


See me smile

by ChibyL



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anorexia, Epilepsy, Lucifer is an ass but we love him anyways, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Social Services, Violence, anorexic!Gabriel, epileptic!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:56:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibyL/pseuds/ChibyL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Gabriel have been friends for a while, when Dean discovers something about Gabe’s family. Something like a cute, amazing little brother whose eyes make Dean’s heart beat fast from the first time. Sam discovers something too, something like love.<br/>Also, Mike and Luce fail at being A+ big brothers, but they do their best.<br/>Warnings: Cas is epileptic, Gabriel has panic attacks and there are mentions of violence and briefly (or not) homophobia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> So, I think I wrote everything in the warnings and obviously I don't own Supernatural (or maybe I do, but I don't want to tell you because I want to keep all that amazing boys just for me!)
> 
> So, well, leave me a review and I'll send an Angel to you :-)
> 
> Or not.
> 
> Thanks to my beta for the hard work!
> 
> Well, I hope you'll enjoy the idea! Let me know what you think about it!

_**From the beginning** _

 

Gabriel and Dean have been best friends for a while now. They met almost two years ago, when Gabriel transferred into his school and they caught up immediately. It's still weird to have around someone who knows Dean so well that he doesn't even have to talk to explain himself.

Gabriel has been to Dean's home plenty of times; he met Dean's parents and his brother and has even spent nights at Dean's, but he never mentioned anything about his own home. Dean has been a little curious to be honest, but he never asked. It wasn't his business, and he isn't someone who asks personal questions anyway.

So it has been a shock when less than two minutes ago Gabriel has come to him in a rush, praying for Dean to help him.

Dean was at his locker, making a joke about Meg's hair with Charlie when Gabriel arrived, panting, and shaking like a leaf barely hanging on a branch during the winter.

"Dean –"

Dean had turned with a smile still on his face, ready to give Gabriel a high five for the score he got in his last test. Barely sufficient, but it was still good, considering how bad Gabriel was in chemistry. His smile quickly disappeared as soon as he assessed the situation. Gabriel was out of breath, his hands on his knees, his face oddly pale.

"What's wrong?" He had asked, turning away from Charlie, barely hearing the girl mumbling something about not wanting to be involved in a dude's problem and walking away.

"Please, I need a lift."

Dean raised his brow, "What? I still have a class, you do, too. And you have your car by the way."

"Can't drive," Gabriel answered. It seemed like he was ready to throw up. "Please, Dean, I need to go to the hospital. I need to be there now."

"Why can't you driv – wait, hospital?"

Gabriel sighed, leaning heavily against the locker, "It's about my brother. He is in the hospital and I need to go to him right now. But I'm afraid I can't drive, I mean, I'm shaking and to be honest I think I see dark spots in front –"

And now Dean is scared, really scared, so scared that he doesn't even ask why Gabriel never mentioned having a brother before. Come on, he has talked about Sam a lot, even before Gabriel met him, his little brother came into their speeches, but Gabriel – well, never mind.

He places both his hands on Gabriel's shoulders, "It's okay, and I'm taking you there. Can you walk?"

Gabriel swallows, nodding even if they both know that there is no chance that Gabriel can walk without passing out. Dean sighs, Searching into his bag for a bottle of water and handing it to his friend waiting for him to drink it. "Okay, let's go. Easy, tiger," he says, grabbing his elbow and helping him stay upright.

They barely make it to Dean's car and Gabriel somehow ends up into the passenger seat, resting his head against the window. Dean quickly texts Sam, warning him that he might not be able to come back in time to pick him up and find another way home; Sam is particularly sensitive when it comes to Gabriel and Dean thinks he might have a crush on his best friend. A crush, which thanks to the unaware nature of Gabriel, is growing day by day. So Sam doesn't need to know, Dean doesn't tell him what's going on and when he's done, he finally starts the car.

"Gabe, please say something. You are scaring me."

"I'm sorry, Dean – I just – I need to be there. Oh, God."

"What's wrong with your brother?"

Gabriel sighs, running a hand through his sweaty hair, "I don't know... Could be anything. He's – he's asthmatic. And epileptic. Maybe he had an accident, or someone beat him up. Or –"

Dean rolls his eyes, trying to slow down his heartbeat just thinking that Gabriel is overreacting. There's no time to think 'What if he right?' So he does what a friend is supposed to and tries to calm him down. "It's probably nothing, but... How do you know he is in the hospital?"

"They called me."

"Who?"

"Social Services," Gabriel answers, glancing at Dean out of the corner of his eye, sighing when he sees his shocked face, "Look, man, I can't have this conversation right now," there is something in his eyes that looks like tears and Dean hopes he won't cry because if there is something he can't deal with, it's tears. Especially male tears.

"Doesn't matter. Why did they call you? Where are your parents?"

"They couldn't get a hold of my older brothers and my parents aren't in the picture. Happy now? And please, push on that damn speed –"

Dean grunts, "Can't go faster, okay? You don't want us to end up into a pole on the side of the road. And we are almost there. So, what did they say?"

"I'm not sure."

"How?"

"I dropped the phone halfway through the call so I might have missed something," Gabriel says, still playing with his phone into his hands. He is probably trying to call his brother or whomever else.

Dean doesn't reply at this point. It must be bad, with Social Services involved and missing parents and that damn look on his friend's face. And what's with this younger brother? The silence is so thick that they can almost cut it with a knife, but Gabriel seems so lost into his thoughts that Dean is afraid to say anything; he does his best to breathe quietly, to not disturb him and finally allows his foot to push harder on the accelerator, breaking the speed limit for a good cause.

It takes half an hour from the school to the hospital where Gabriel needs to go, which doesn't happen to be the closest; they make it in barely twenty minutes, but it still seems like hours.

"Here we are," he says, turning into the hospital parking lot. He doesn't bother to park properly, getting out and waiting for Gabriel to do the same. When he doesn't make a move, Dean leans against his side of the car, giving him a questioning look.

"I – I don't think I can stand," he whispers, shaking his head right and left.

"Okay, come on," Dean opens the door, grabbing Gabriel's arm and helping him out. He wasn't kidding when he said he couldn't stand, as he has to lean on Dean. After a couple of steps, he blinks, going still and it looks like he is snapping out of some sort of trance and Dean dumbly stares at him, confused when Gabriel pushes away from him and almost runs through the door.

Dean probably shouldn't follow him; he doesn't even know why he is there anyways. But Gabriel was on the verge of passing out less than two seconds ago, it's probably unwise to leave him alone, so he feels the need to stay with him. What if his brother is dead? Someone needs to take care of Gabriel and even if Dean isn't the best choice, looks like he is the only one.

"Fuck it," he mumbles to himself, following Gabriel to the nurse station, just when the pretty girl behind the desk tells Gabriel that his brother should still be in the ER, second room on the left.

Dean grabs Gabriel by his shoulders, leading him and stops in front of what is supposed to be the right room.

There are three beds inside, but just two of them have someone sitting on them. There is a man with gauze all over his arm, but Dean is almost sure he isn't Gabriel's brother. He should be glad, because the sight of all the blood oozing from the guy's arm through the gauze is pretty sickening.

Well, take it back, it's better than what he sees when he dares to look over the other bed. It's a kid, maybe their own age, or Sam's allegedly and he could definitely be Gabriel's brother. There's a mask covering his face. Dean doesn't know too much about hospitals, but it's a ventilator and if he has it on his face, he is having trouble breathing. He is asthmatic, right? So it's not that bad. Sam is asthmatic too and even if it's terrifying, it's nothing they can't fix.

He is about to tell Gabriel that it's not as bad as he thought, but Gabriel somehow escapes Dean's grasp, his hands were still on his shoulders and neither of them had realized that until now, and rushes to his brother.

There are three people working on him and Dean has trouble figuring out who is the doctor. He realizes it's the younger man when he yells to a nurse to take Gabriel away. One of the two other people grabs Gabriel by his arm, moving him away and Dean realizes that the kid on the bed is unconscious and Gabriel is crying almost hysterically.

"What's – please, what's wrong – please, Cas!"

"Take him away," the doctor says, adding something about shouldn't be allowed here and needing silence. Dean can't get more of the conversation between the ER operators because the nurse who takes Gabriel away asks him to follow.

"Wait here, okay? The kid is in good hands."

"Please, tell me what happened," Gabriel's voice seems unnaturally strong, determined to get the information he wants, but the nurse smiles sadly at him, "You are a minor, I can't tell you."

"It's okay, I'll take care of Gabriel here," says someone behind Dean and the voice is oddly familiar.

"Ellen?" He asks turning into her direction and the woman gives him a surprised look.

"Dean? What are you doing here? Did something happen?"

Dean awkwardly turns back to Gabriel, almost asking him if it's okay to talk, but he isn't paying attention, so Dean glances back at the woman, "I was with him."

"Oh," she seems surprised, so he adds, "Classmates."

"Ellen?" Gabriel asks; his voice impossibly faint.

The woman helps him sit down in one of the empty chairs against the wall, kneeling in front of him. "I just spoke to the nurse at the station, Gabe. He had a crisis. Did you speak to Michael?"

"He wasn't breathing."

"Gabriel, try to focus," she places a hand on Gabe's shoulder, "He was having trouble breathing, it's okay now. Did you call Michael?"

"Did he hit his head? Not again, please."

"Gabriel!" Ellen calls to him again, this time her voice is louder and Dean almost jumps, "Did you call Michael? Speak to him? Does he know?"

It takes a moment for Gabriel to focus enough to answer. He gulps air with the same avidity of someone who had been choking few seconds ago and then swallows a couple times, "Didn't answer. What do we do? What do I do?"

Ellen stands back up, stretching her sore back, "Is he at work? I can go there right now."

There is a moment of silence, after Gabriel's affirmative response and Dean wonders what's holding Ellen here, if this mysterious big brother is at work, unaware of what's going on. After a second or two, he asks, "Should I call mom?"

It seems reasonable. Ellen and Dean's mom have been friends for years, for as long as Dean could remember; to be honest. And he doesn't want to be alone with Gabriel and of course he can't leave him alone, all scared and crying. As childish as it seems, he wants his mom here, and Gabriel could use a nice motherly figure to rely on, too. His mother is awesome when it comes to take care of people and Gabe already loves her.

"Sure. Sure, I'll call her while on my way and ask if she can come and get you," Ellen says. She turns to the nurse, asking her to keep Gabriel updated, then she crouches again in front of teen, "You should go home too, in a while maybe?"

"I'm not leaving Cas alone."

Ellen sighs, deciding that she'll explain everything to Mary. If there is someone she can trust; it's her with no doubt.

"Can I see my brother now?" He asks the nurse when Ellen goes away, after placing a quick kiss on the top of Gabriel's and Dean's head.

"As soon as the doctor comes out. Just be quiet in the meanwhile," she says and leaves.

Dean paces for a while, going halfway through the hallway and back, counting how many steps he is doing, how long he can hold his breath and how far he can make it, before feeling the need to breathe out again. He also notices that the walls have been painted recently. They are pale green in the lower part and white in the upper; the ceiling is white too, but Dean doesn't look at it. Instead he focuses on the thin cracks in front of him, wandering what caused them. Humidity? Or maybe someone punched the wall. Maybe it was a crazy psycho or someone who had just lost his mate and was out of his mind. When it happened, the person who punched the wall probably broke his hand and it must've hurt. Who knows...? And especially, why does he care? He has more important things to take care of.

"Hey, Gabe, how do you feel?"

"I just want to be with my brother."

"Yeah. Right."

Silence, again. Dean doesn't understand why in every damn movie he has seen, the ER is always full of people and voices, and instead there is no one else here. Fuck.

He slowly sits next to his friend, trying to talk to him once more. "So, Ellen," he begins.

"What?"

"How do you know her?"

Gabriel finally looks at him, "Social Services, I told you."

"Gabe?"

"Not now, Dean. Please." He fights back tears, breathing deeply through his nose and when the doctor comes out to talk to him, his cheeks are still red, his eyes still puffy.

Dean patiently waits, giving Gabriel and the doctor a little privacy and when his friend comes to him, he simply says that they are finally allowed in, "They'll move him into a room in a while. It isn't visiting time, so they are keeping him here for a while and let me see him."

"Oh. Good. Is he –?"

"It's not as bad as it could have been. Wanna come in?"

Dean awkwardly sways on the ball of his feet, "I'm not sure it's appropriate," he mumbles.

"Please... I think I could use a little help," he says, adding "And Cassie is dying to meet you. I may have told him about you."

Dean finally nods, following Gabriel inside.

Cassie is small; he looks definitely younger than Dean, even younger than Sam. He is as pale as Gabriel, which is probably justified considering how shaken up he should be. The thing is that his pale skin makes his blue eyes even bigger than what they are supposed to be. They are glassy, both from tears and meds and he is still breathing hard, he has a cannula in his nose and an IV into the crook of his elbow.

"You scared me to death, Cassie," Gabriel says, trying to sound stronger. Dean gets it perfectly; he would do the same if it was Sam in that bed. Pretending to be angry at him, not to show how freaked out he is. Well, Gabriel isn't doing a good job, considering the slim smile on Cassie's white lips.

"Sorry, bro. Did 'm best."

"So, what happened?"

"Passed out in gym class. Don't remember."

Gabriel runs a hand through his brother's hair, smoothing it, "Well, Cassie, I want you to meet someone. Do you still want to meet Dean?"

Cassie nods, a faint smile appearing on his lips and Dean has to admit that he is adorable. He steps closer, waving his hand to say hi and Cassie smiles, "Sorry, can't really shake your hand," he says, motioning to the bandages covering three of his fingers.

"It's okay," Dean replies automatically. Later Gabriel will explain that a convulsing body can easily be injured. "I'm Dean, but I guess you already know."

"Castiel. And I'm sorry if my brother dragged you here."

Gabriel rolls his eyes and Dean smiles.

"How do you feel, Cassie? And I mean it, don't say you are fine, because I might start a scene if you do, okay?"

Castiel closes his eyes, then opens them again, blinking tiredness away, "Sore, but I've been worse. Don't wanna go back there."

"Cas –"

"Gabe, please. I want to come with you," he says like a petulant child, "If you tell Michael, he might agree. Please."

Gabriel turns away from his brother grunting, "Don't use the card of the poor little boy on me, Castiel. Don't you dare."

But Dean sees the puppy dog eyes on Castiel's face and they look just like the ones Sam does when Dean refuses to take him out with his friends. Must be some sort of power only younger brothers have. And Cas, his awesome at the whole puppy dog eyes thing, he looks like an angel and there is no doubt Gabriel won't be able to say no to him.

In fact Gabriel busies himself playing with the wire of Cassie's IV, "I'll think about it, okay?" He says and Dean takes a mental note to ask Gabriel about this later. He hasn't understood much of the conversation.

"You are tired, you should sleep," he adds when Castiel blinks again.

"Don't want you to leave."

"Not leaving, just sleep."

Castiel doesn't need to be told twice. As soon as Gabriel takes his hand, rubbing it with his thumb, Castiel starts to doze off.

When Gabriel rips his eyes off his brother and looks at Dean, it's clear that the entire question in his mind shows up on his face and Gabriel starts to explain, "His school is near the place where my brother works, it's easier for him to pick Cas up if he doesn't feel good."

"Why don't you go there too?"

"Private school is quite expensive. And our school is closer to the house I live in."

"Your home."

"I don't live with my brother, I'm staying with my uncle Ezekiel," Gabriel says but it's clear he is not going to elaborate.

Frankly, Dean is not going to push him right now, later he'll find a way to talk.

"I've been thinking about it too," Gabriel says at some point, "But Michael doesn't want to move him. Everybody knows he is epileptic there, they can help, he says. I think they baby him too much, but what am I supposed to do? Michael already said no."

They are still talking when a nurse comes in, trying to take Castiel away.

"No, no, no please! I said I would stay. I can't leave him! Please!"

"Gabriel, calm down." A deep voice says.

Again, he is at Dean's back and Dean starts to wonder why people always appear behind him. It's a very tall man, Michael; Dean guesses when Gabriel stands up, running into his arms and hugging him so tight that Michael probably can't breathe.

"I'm sorry if he has been bothering you," he says to the nurse, "Just tell me the room you are taking him and I'll be there as soon as possible."

"703, third floor. See you later."

The nurse moves around the barrel, wheeling Castiel away and Michael takes Gabriel out of the room, sitting him on the same chair as before and taking place next to him and rubbing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm staying with him, okay? I won't leave him and you can come back tomorrow. You can skip school if you want. But right now you need to go home."

"No, Mikey, please, no –"

"Gabe, you need to calm, you are shaking."

"But –"

"You are going home right now, okay? No arguing." Michael looks intimidating and Dean thinks it's unfair to treat Gabe like that. "There is a friend of Ellen here. She'd be so nice to take you to Ezekiel. Is that okay?"

Ellen's friend?

With the corner of his eye he sees his mom turning into their hallway and coming into their direction. Thank God.

It takes a while to persuade Gabriel but in the end he goes away with the two of them. He won't go to Ezekiel, though. Dean offered for Gabriel to stay with them and after a while both the brothers agreed on that.


	2. Something about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel tells Dean his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, chapter two! 
> 
> I’m so glad you liked the story and I hope you’ll fall in love with this plot as much as I am. It doesn’t happen often that I am proud of my stories, but I like this one a lot.
> 
> First of all, thanks to my beta, she did an amazing job!
> 
> And, before letting you read, I have one more thing to say. You’ll notice something about Sam acting weird. Well, if someone guesses what’s the reason of his behaviour, I’ll give them a cybernetic cookie. I bake amazing cyber cookies, I know you want it!
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ Something about _ **

 

 

So Gabriel comes home with Dean and Mary.

 

Sam’s face when he opens the door and sees the three of them is priceless. The little one blinks, looking at them and then around the garden and finally at himself, his shorts barely hanging on his boney hips and his chest bare; as always he is just wearing socks, which also means that Mary is going to scold him. His cheeks flush a deep shade of red and Dean has to do his best not to burst into laughter.

 

"I love your brother," Gabriel says in a playful tone. Dean can see a sparkle of sadness in his eyes, he must be thinking about his own little brother and he almost hugs him. Almost, because in the end he thinks better and replies, "Don't tell him that, he might think you’re serious, you know?"

 

They both laugh this time. They have never talked about it, but Dean is almost sure that Gabriel suspects something. Man, you need to be dumb to not notice how Sam fusses around whatever Gabriel does and sometimes it’s frustrating to see how he worships the floor where Gabriel walks.

 

It’s four in the afternoon and Dean didn’t realize time could pass this fast. It’s only when his stomach makes a grumble that he realizes they haven’t even eaten, but luckily Mary has already disappeared into the kitchen and the noises they hear from the hall make it clear that she is cooking something. Comfort food, if Dean knows his mom well enough, it’s what she makes every time someone is unhappy. Like when Sam got a B in a test, or when Dean’s favorite football team lost the cup.

 

Dean decides to sit on the couch, not really knowing what to do.

 

“You want to know, right?"

 

“Well, let’s say I’m curious,” Dean answers because, what’s the point of lying? Of course he wants to know, “But I’m not going to push you. If you want to talk, I’d be glad to understand, because trust me, I’m pretty confused here.”

 

Gabriel sighs, kicking his shoes away and curling his legs up on the couch, hugging his knees with both hands, "My mom died three years ago, giving birth to my sister, Anna. She died too, two weeks after she was born,” he explains, looking somewhere in front of him, “And I don't remember my dad, I have seen him maybe four times in my life. Michael says he is a good man, he just can't stay with us. Honestly, man, don't ask. I used to think he was some kind of special agent from the FBI, right now? I think he is in jail."

 

Dean gives him a sympathetic smile. Absent father, the same old story, right?

 

"So Cas and I, we have been living with my brother, Michael for a while. He is twenty eight and he is amazing, you know? He literally raised Cas and me even when Mom was around, she was always busy and he took care of us. He has our custody now obviously, but I don’t live with him anymore."

 

"Why?"

 

"It's com-” he doesn’t get a chance to answer because there are footsteps in the background, allegedly Sam is coming down, dressed in more decent attire, thank God, and neither of them wants him to know too much.

 

“Everything okay?" Sam asks noticing the thick atmosphere and clearly not used to it, especially when Gabriel is around. Dean and Gabe together are always noisy, laughing or arguing so loud that sometimes Sam has to go out to do his homework on the porch.

 

Dean gives his brother a threatening look, afraid that he might upset Gabriel again, but his friend just shrugs, "It's fine, Sammy. I'm just sad because my brother doesn't feel well."

 

"Oh. I'm sorry for him. I didn't know you had a brother," Sam’s tone is genuinely surprised, but Dean recognizes that tone, Sam seems disappointed and there seems to be no real reason.

 

"I have three siblings," Gabriel says, standing up and looking for something in the back of his jeans. The brothers exchange a concerned look when Gabriel pulls his wallet out, giving Sam a small picture, "Here they are."

 

As Sam examines the picture, Dean gives Gabriel a punch on the shoulder, "It took two years for me to know you had brothers and you let Sam see their picture?"

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Dean."

 

Dean shakes his head, "Doesn't matter. Wanna see them!"

 

Sam hands him the picture and Dean stares at it for a while. It’s definitely not what he expected. Beginning with the fact that there isn’t a little girl, so Anna isn’t in the picture. But there are still four people, which means Gabriel has three brothers. Michael, Castiel and some other unknown relative. The picture must be old. Gabriel looks young. It's easy to recognize him, just by his hair, longer than normal and gelled down in a horrible way, a lot worse than now. He assumes the little one is Cas, his blue eyes sparkle even in the picture, but he won’t be able to say who the other two are. One of them must be Michael, he guesses.

 

Dean says it all out loud, and Gabriel focuses on the most important sentence his friend has said, "What about my hair? Everyone loves my hair. Aren't they great, Sammy?"

 

"What?" Sam blushes, but in the end he answers with the same annoyed tone, "Sure. Yeah, great."

 

"Believe it, Gabriel, believe it," Dean mumbles, handing the photo back, "Cassie's eyes are wonderful, by the way.” He hadn’t mean to say it out loud, but that’s the truth and Gabriel always compliments what little Sammy does and how adorable he is, so it shouldn’t be that bad to say something about Gabriel’s brother.

 

"Yeah, he got them from me. Dean, are you coming with me tomorrow?"

 

Dean shakes his head, "There is no way mom is going to let me skip classes."

 

"Skip? Skip school?" Sam asks, his voice high and petulant, "Why would you? And where are you going, Gabe?"

 

Dean can't help but roll his eyes. Really, Sam is annoying when he wants to be. "Not your business, bro. Why don't you go help Mom? Pretty sure she wants you there."

 

"And tell her you want to skip?" He asks with a raised brow, as Dean shuts his mouth. They weren’t saying anything bad, but Dean has already been caught skipping classes more than once and Mary threatened to confiscate his video games if he did it again and Dean doesn’t want to risk it.

 

"Now, what's going on?" Sam asks when it’s clear that he has the knife from the handle.

 

Dean grunts, but Gabriel interjects for him, "My brother is in the hospital, Sammy. And I'm going there tomorrow, I'd like not be alone though," then he turns to Dean, "That's why I'm going to persuade your Mom."

 

"You can't persuade her, she won't let me skip," Dean assures and Sam nods his head solemnly, "She won't."

 

"Wanna bet?" Gabriel says, winking at him, "Five bucks."

 

Dean nods enthusiastically, "I like winning so easily. Let's see what you can do."

 

"Boys, lunch is ready," Mary's voice calls from the kitchen.

 

Gabriel quickly shakes his hand, "You know, that look Cassie did today? Well, he learned it from me. Now just look."

 

When they finally go into the kitchen, there are just two plates on the table, obviously Sam and Mary had already eaten but they still sit with them. Dean has already had two mouthful of his mom's best spaghetti when Sam points out that Gabriel is just picking at his food, without actually eating.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm not really hungry," he apologizes, absently looking somewhere between Sam's shoulder and his neck.

 

Mary gives him a sad smile, "Just a couple of forks, Gabriel, come on. You promised Michael you’d be okay, and I promised him I would take care of you."

 

Gabriel looks at her with wet eyes, "Yeah, sorry I'm so much trouble." It takes a while for Dean to realize that he is just acting. Fucking bastard. But he has to admit that he is awesome.

 

"Mary?" He asks after a moment of silence, "Would it be a bad thing if I'd be afraid to go see Cas tomorrow? Would it make me a bad brother?"

 

Sam next to him is almost crying and Dean could punch him. Come on, he knew about the bet and he is still so sad for Gabriel?! In the meanwhile Mary stands up, getting closer to him and ruffling his hair in a way that is almost funny, "Of course not, Gabriel. If you don't feel up to it, you can stay here. I'm sure your brother will understand."

 

Well done, mom! Dean thinks, knowing that Mary isn't the kind of woman who gets manipulated so easily.

 

"It's not that," Gabriel chews on his lower lip, wiping a nonexistent tear from his eye, "I'm just so scared. Hospitals freak me out. And I don't want to go there alone. And Michael will be at work."

 

"Gabriel-"

 

"Would it be okay if Dean came with me? Please? Please. I know it's a lot to ask and I wouldn’t ask if I wasn't- But I understand if you don't want him to come. Who wants their son in a hospital? And I get it if Dean doesn't want to come," he adds looking at his friend, while Mary nods quietly.

 

"If Dean wants to, he can come with you, of course," she looks at her elder son, waiting for his answer but Dean is so surprised about the whole scene that he is just staring at Gabriel with his mouth open. Mary must be thinking that he is worried to see his friend so upset, so she doesn't push Dean to say something, answering for his son, "I'll bring you two there tomorrow morning. Okay? You can call me whenever you want and I’ll come get you, if you don't want to stay there. Sounds fair?"

 

At this point Gabriel slightly moves the chair, turning to Mary and hugging her, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

 

"Hush, it's nothing really, Gabriel. But now try and eat something, okay?"

 

Gabriel holds her for another moment and then lets her go, keeping that puppy face on. Fuck, he is damn good at it.

 

Later, when Mary has gone back to work, making the three kids promise that they'll call if anything happens, they go into Dean’s bedroom.

 

Sam lifts a book from the shelf, sitting on the corner of the bed and reading, making evident that he is a little upset about something - Dean has no clue what could be wrong - and Gabriel lies with his legs opened on the big soft bed, his head close to Sam’s legs, while Dean complains about losing five bucks.

 

"It was easy. Fooling Michael is a lot harder," Gabriel says, shrugging.

 

"Sure, just because Michael knows you like the back of his hand, while mom thought you were really worried for your brother."

 

Gabriel gives him a look, "Nope. It's because Michael is trained by years of Cassie's puppy face and trust me, he is a lot better than me at this. And besides, I asked for you to come before the bet, right? I was being honest, I don't want to go there alone."

 

"You should do theatre," Sam says at some point and for the first time Dean doesn’t hear that awe in his voice. He still seems disappointed.

 

"I can teach you if you want, tell you every secret. Or maybe I can’t, not in front of your brother, or you won't fool him."

 

“Is your brother okay? Why don’t you call him?” Sam asks, not really replying to Gabriel’s speech.

 

“Can’t, Sammy. He is probably tired and even if he isn’t, Michael doesn’t want him to stress too much when he doesn’t feel good.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Dean can see curiosity into his brother’s eyes, so before he has a chance to ask the wrong thing, he throws him out of the room, telling him to do his homework somewhere else and be a good boy. Sam reluctantly agrees when he notices that Gabriel has zoned out again.

 

“Gabe? You were telling me your story. Would it be okay for you to continue?”

 

“It’s complicated, Dean, and you'll think I'm a selfish bitch," he mumbles sitting up on the edge of the bed and Dean sits next to him.

 

"I won't judge you, Gabriel. And we both know that, but it's up to you. I won't ask anymore."

 

Gabriel seems to consider it for a while, before giving up, "We have another brother too. Luce, Michael’s twin. He is, well he is kind of a dick, he used to put my hand into cold water during the night and make me piss the bed."

 

Dean almost smiles, "I do that to Sam too, it's not that bad. Just funny."

 

Gabriel rolls his eyes, "It's not, but at least it was normal, I guess. Then I came out to him and things changed, he became more aggressive. I mean verbally. And physically."

 

Dean doesn't say a word, he is not sure what he is supposed to think, he puts a hand around Gabriel’s shoulders, until he leans with his head on Dean. He can’t help it, Dean has always been a physical person, one who needs to touch to show his feelings, because he can't put them into words. So he just stays silent, holding him and waiting for him to continue.

 

"One day, shortly after Anna had died, Michael was at work and Luce was angry. I guess he got fired, but I never dared to ask, after- Well, he punched me. And I don't even know how Cas ended up between us. All I know is that one moment he was sheltering me and then he was hitting his head on the bedside table."

 

Gabriel is almost hysterical by now, and all Dean can think about is that Sam is probably listening to all of this, crouched on the floor, on the other side of the door.

 

"There was so much blood, Dean," he chokes out, "Cassie was on the floor, shaking from head to toe. It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. And after that, after Cassie had been unconscious for almost ten days and we didn't know what kind of brain trauma he could have, I decided I couldn't stay in that house any longer. And that's the end of the story."

 

"I'm sorry, Gabe."

 

"It's okay. I mean, I'm okay now. Cassie too. Sort of. We were all scared he wasn’t going to make it, so when he woke up and he remembered our names and he knew how old he was, we thought everything was fine. But then his eyes rolled back into their sockets and he started to convulse again. That’s how we understood he was epileptic.”

 

“It had never happened before?”

 

Gabriel shakes his head, wiping his face with his sleeve, “Brain trauma, remember? That’s what made him like this.”

 

"Gabe, would you punch me if I ask something else?"

 

Gabriel moves away from Dean, facing him, "After what just happened? I guess if I’ve been able to tell you that part of my life, you can ask anything."

 

"Luce, your brother. Is he still around?"

 

Gabriel gulps at the name of his brother. "Yeah. He even apologized to me, has been in therapy for more than a year. Anger management. But we have to thank him if social services are still around."

 

"What do you mean? Isn't it their policy?!" Dean says, or maybe asks. Ellen never talks about the cases she is working on, but sometimes she talks about people she has to see often, Dean had always guessed it's routine.

 

"Not at all. They should visit us every six months or so and make sure that someone feeds us and there is a roof on our heads. They shouldn't be at home so often."

 

"Sorry."

 

"Stop apologizing, Dean. Or I might punch you."

 

"It's just... I don't know what to say, I'm not good with these things."

 

Gabriel laughs, "Does it looks like I am good? Dean, if I don't tell anyone about this, it's because I don't want to see that look. I mean, we survived, we are okay right now. And telling this with Cas back in the hospital is kind of ironic, but anyways. I'm not one of those who cry on themselves and if that's what you expect from me, if you are going to pity me, I guess it's time for me to go back to Ezekiel’s."

 

"Good." Well, Dean feels better now that they have their own agreement to pretend none of this has never happened. It can work.


	3. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Gabriel go to see Cas again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! So… did you like the last chapter? I really hope so, but I’d like to know your opinion about the story. I have lots of ideas, but I’d like to have some kind of feedback about them, positive or negative.
> 
> That said, thanks to my beta!
> 
> And I hope you’ll like this chapter, we’ll start to find out something more about the kids’ life.

**_ Hospital _ **

 

 

The next morning they go to see Cas.

 

Dean couldn’t explain why he feels so strange about it. A part of him is anxious to be there again and he is sure that’s because who would be happy to be in a hospital? Probably another part is him feeling like he’s intruding, maybe Gabriel’s brother might like his privacy. But he is sure that there is something else too, he is somehow scared about seeing Castiel again, despite a small part of his mind being… excited. And that just scares Dean more. Why would he be excited to see someone he didn’t even know existed less than 24 hours ago? It makes no sense.

 

During the whole ride Sam is quiet and when Gabriel addresses him, he is so harsh that Dean has to kick his shin; Gabriel just looks out of the window and Dean wonders if yesterday’s scene was just a scene or he was being honest about being so scared.

 

They just stay silent until Mary drops Sam at school and drives them to the hospital, refusing to leave them in the parking lot and going inside with them. She walks a few steps ahead of the two boys and stops to the nurse station to ask for Castiel’s room, so Dean takes a chance to ask is friend, “You okay? You are awfully silent.”

 

“I’ll be once I see Cas awake and healthy. And preferably out of this place,” he says, “But I’m doing okay.”

 

When they get inside, Castiel is asleep, his unbroken hand clutching Michael’s while the older brother absently turns the pages of an old newspaper sitting in his lap.

 

"Michael? What are you doing still here?"

 

"Hi boys. Mary. I was waiting for you, Gabe. Cas had another fit tonight and he has been sleeping since then. I didn't want him to wake up and be alone and obviously Luce won't step foot in a hospital. How have you been?"

 

"Fine," Gabriel answers, hugging his brother, while Mary behind him mouths something about having a bit of a meltdown and Michael frowns.

 

“I’m sorry for yesterday, you must be Dean,” Michael says, holding out a hand for Dean to shake it, “Gabriel talks a lot about you.”

 

Dean is probably supposed to answer something like, “Hope it’s all good,” or, “Don’t believe a word,” because that’s what people do. But he isn’t people, he is just an embarrassed idiot who stares with his mouth open until Gabriel interjects, “Ehy! Sounds like I have a crush on him if you say that!”, pulling away from Michael and putting back on his bitch face.

 

“Oh, sorry then. Didn’t want to offend your masculinity,” He says, glancing at the watch on his left wrist, “Now, I’d better go. I’ll come back as soon as my shift finishes and I’ll check Cas out, doctor said he should be allowed to go home as soon as he wakes up and is coherent enough. Would you like to come home with us, Gabe? I can leave you to Ezekiel’s if you want to.”

 

Gabriel chews on his lower lip, “Can I think about it?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Dean stares at the two brothers, lots of questions appearing in his mind. For example, what kind of work does Michael do? He is twenty eight and he works enough for the four of them to have a home and go to school, and Cas’ school is private, right? Must be expansive. But maybe Luce works too. And do they have a degree? What about this Ezekiel? Their mysterious uncle, why doesn’t he help, instead of offering Gabriel a place to stay? Has Gabriel been in their house after the accident at all?

 

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever ask Gabriel all of these questions, but he is sure that when Gabriel tells his brother he’ll think about going home, Michael sighs in relief and that seems to answer part of his questions. Allegedly Gabriel doesn’t want to come home at all and the simple fact that he’s going to consider the option makes his brother happy.

 

"And Mickey, later maybe, can I talk to you about something I’ve been thinking of?"

 

"Of course you can. But if it has something to do with Cas going to your school, don’t waste your time, he already tried. And there are more chances I’ll buy you two a motorcycle."

 

"Good! A motorcycle is just what I was looking for!"

 

Michael shakes his head, faking an exasperate expression, despite the smile on his lips, "Gabe, I'm late. We'll talk about it later, okay?"

 

"Fine," Gabriel mutters, sitting next to his younger brother and waving goodbye to Michael and Mary. The woman places a kiss on their foreheads and stops in the hallway to talk to Michael, Dean can see them, but he can’t make out what they are talking about. He figures that it has something to do with the fact that that boy, Michael, has to run a family and he looks barely old enough to take proper care of himself. Every good parent would ask if he needs help and Dean can say he has an A+ mom, so there is no doubt she is going to help the brothers.

 

In the end he stops paying attention, because Gabriel is talking to him, “Do you think I should go home with them?”

 

“I don’t know, Gabe. Why don’t you want to- I mean, I know why, but if you and your brother are okay now I can’t see the problem. I can’t believe you have never been home for two years.”

 

Gabriel rolls his eyes, “I haven’t ‘never been there’. I’ve been home after that thing, sometimes. When Cas is alone and Michael doesn’t want to leave him, on his birthday. On Michaels’ too. But I’ve never slept there and I don’t want to start now.”

 

“So you have the answer.”

 

“Michael asked me and he never does. It means Cas asked him to, even if he won’t tell me.”

 

Dean doesn’t answer, because what is he supposed to say? He won’t leave Sam alone; there has been a time in his life when John had to work away from home. He asked Dean if he would go with him and Dean said no; he was a kid but even then he knew he couldn’t leave Sam home and simply go somewhere else. Surely, living in California and going to school there would have been awesome, especially for a six year old kid, but it wouldn’t have been special without little Sam around. It’s not the same situation, but still Dean wouldn’t have left if he were Gabriel, he has nothing to think about, Gabriel should go home with no hesitation.

 

“Where is your other brother?”

 

“Luce? Probably home, beating himself down and feeling sorry. As if this could fix things.”

 

“You said you two were okay.”

 

“I said he apologized, I never said I’m okay with him hitting me. And yes, Cas’ accident was, well, an accident. I don’t blame him for it. But if it would have been me, he would have said that it was God punishing me for my living choices. And I find it stupid that he doesn’t want to stay here anyways. Does he think we are happy to see Cas like this? We aren’t but we cope with it and we have to thank him for all of this.”

 

Dean shrugs, “Look man, I’m not defending him, I don’t like your brother to be honest. But him not wanting to be here, is the same of you not wanting to go home. Just think about it, okay?”

 

Gabriel’s cheeks turn red, but he doesn’t reply, because suddenly two big glassy eyes look at him and the world seems to stop, not only for Gabriel, but for Dean too. Gabe is probably praying God that his little brother didn’t hear their conversation, Dean is just amazed by those pretty eyes.

 

"Ehy. Hey, you woke up," Gabriel says, his voice impossibly gentle, while his hand brushes hair out of the kid’s face.

 

"Ehy, Gabe. How are you?" his voice is still raspy, but he is kind of sweet, with his lips curled up in a half smile and his eyes barely open, “I’m sorry for yesterday. Mickey said I shouldn’t ask for you to stay here when we both know you are not allowed.”

 

“Michael is an idiot, don’t listen to him. Now, feeling better?”

 

Castiel nods, “Awesome. And hi,” he adds, turning to Dean, “Why are you here again?”

 

“I slept with him,” Gabriel explains, well sort of explains, when Dean just stares at Cas mumbling incoherently.

 

“You are a naughty bad boy. Pretty sure Michael will ground you for ages.”

 

It takes a moment for Dean to get it, but when he does, his eyes almost jump out their sockets. He turns to Gabriel just to find him amused and slightly annoyed, “Not like that, Cassie. I slept on his couch, I meant I didn’t go to Ezekiel’s.”

 

“Oh. Makes sense.”

 

Dean smiles, taking in as much of Cas as he can. He seems to feel better today, his face is less pale and his lips are almost red, curled up in a shy smile; but what catches Dean’s attention again are his eyes, his big blue eyes which are suddenly looking at him.

 

“Dean? You with us?” Gabriel asks and Dean realizes they had been talking to him.

 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

 

Cas coughs adorably, gaining his attention, “I just said… Well Dean, tell me something about yourself. Gabriel makes you look some sort of superhero.”

 

“Eh?” Dean dumbly asks, turning from Cas to Gabe and back and Gabriel hits his brother’s arm lightly, “Don’t tell him that or he might think I want to get into his pants.”

 

“Which is true.”

 

“Of course, but we aren’t supposed to tell him.”

 

The interaction between the two brothers is funny, Dean imagines them in another context and thinks they aren’t too different from himself and Sam; they seem to be pretty close and it’s sweet, considering all they have been through. Michael seems a good guy too, but Dean isn’t impatient to meet Luce; he’d like to think there are just three brothers in this family and they stick together pretty well.

 

Castiel laughs, just to end up coughing again and when he gets a hold of himself, he asks Dean, “So? About yourself?”

 

“Well, I’m Dean Winchester, but you already knew that.”

 

“Winchester? Sounds familiar.”

 

Oh. “Mmm I don't know, maybe Gabriel said my surname? I never met you before. And I don't think you know my brother either. His name is Sam.”

 

Castiel’s face seems to lighten up, “Wait, Sam. Sam Winchester, ‘course I know him! Won the last math Olympics. Sure that I know him. Blondie, pretty eyes, impossibly tall. Gabe you know who I am talking about!”

 

Math Olympics? Is he some kind of nerd too? Dean can't stand two geniuses in his life. And why is he thinking about Cas in his life? He is just his friend’s brother, and maybe Dean is interested into being his friend too.

 

“Yeah, Cas here is a little weirdo,” Gabriel says, as if reading into Dean’s mind and Dean smiles when Cas replies, “Geez, thanks. What If I was trying to seduce him too, Gabe?”

 

“God, he is not always like this, I swear,” he says to Dean, before turning back to his brother, “You'd fail and I'd be happy. No boyfriends for you, too young.”

 

“You are just jealous. And you sound like Mickey.”

 

After that, they just spend the morning talking together, interrupted a couple of times by a nurse who checks on Cas, takes blood samples and ask questions.

 

At some point Cas needs to get up to go to the bathroom since he stubbornly refuses the catheter all the nurses try to fix and Dean thinks he would do exactly the same, that’s embarrassing and must be uncomfortable too. When Gabriel helps his brother stand up, Dean follows their movement with his eyes and finally has a chance to study his body. Cas is quite short, shorter than Gabriel for sure and he looks skinny, but maybe it’s aggravated by the long hospital gown he is wearing; he slightly leans on Gabriel and holds with a hand the pole of the IV, pushing it while walking. He wishes he could see more and the thought creeps him.

 

It’s weird that Dean finds him so interesting and he knows that, but he can’t help it, he finds Gabriel’s brother attractive. And as much as they talk, Dean happens to be even more impressed by the little kid who apparently has a scholarship for the private school he goes to, which would explain how they can afford it and he has a QI even higher than Sam’s. He works in his free time and Dean learns that Gabriel works too.

 

“It’s just a part time, three times a week, into a garage less than a kilometer from your home.”

 

“You mean Bobby’s?” Dean asks and when Gabriel nods he adds, “Cool! He is my dad’s friend, I have been there a lot of times! His daughter Jo, she is in school with us. Oh, wait! You know Ellen, she is his wife!”

 

“Of course I know, she is the one who helped me find the job. And I’m pretty sure it’s not completely legal. Conflict of interests, maybe. But she is a good person, we owe her a lot.”

 

Gabriel looks sad when he mentions how much Ellen has done for him and his family and Dean feels the need to change the subject, so that his friend can stop worrying so much, so he asks Cas what kind of job he does, hoping there won’t be another sad story behind it. Who knows, with this guy everything is possible.

 

Cas just shrugs at him, disappointed that it’s nothing too interesting, so when he says, “It’s not a real job, since Michael doesn’t want me to do anything,” Gabriel explains, “He is tutoring some kids from his school and younger kids who want to go there.”

 

As soon as Gabriel has said it, Cas blushes, looking at his hands sitting in his lap.

 

“Cool.”

 

“So, uh, how is Sam?”

 

Dean blinks at the question, “He is fine, I guess.”

 

“It’s been a while since I last saw him. Is he- does he go to your school?”

 

Gabriel sighs, “Cas, if you are still trying to come with me I have to warn you, Michael doesn’t seem to agree.”

 

Castiel pouts, but something in the back of Dean’s mind keeps telling him that this isn’t the reason why Cas seems so sad.

 


	4. Study session Aka Chemistry is not so bad in the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is not into chemistry, but maybe he is into his new teacher!  
> And, hey Sammy, why are you so angry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I am a little disappointed that no one expressed an opinion about the last chapters, but I am optimistic and I guess you still like the story. 
> 
> So, here we have chapter 5!
> 
> Enjoy! (Oh and please, don't kill me!)

Castiel comes out of the hospital that evening. He is still shaken, as Gabriel tells Dean and sleeps almost all day afterwards, but it’s understandable.

 

Two days later he is back to normal, or at least he is good enough to teach some kids from his school, which means that Gabriel needs to go back home and keep an eye on him, since Michael has to work and apparently no one knows where Luce is.

 

It’s still hard for Gabriel who is still refusing to spend the night to his old home, but he has to go now, at least until Michael comes back home, then he can go back to Ezekiel’s.

 

Dean wouldn’t be able to explain why, but as soon as Gabriel asks if he wants to come with him and study together, he says yes; it doesn’t bother him that Sam will be home alone, because he really wants to see Cas, especially now that he can see him out of the hospital and on his own feet. He is so happy for Gabriel’s request that he almost forgets to tell his brother he won’t be home with him and he doesn’t care about Sam’s growl when Dean tells him that he needs to take the bus home.

 

Gabriel normally takes the bus, but today Dean is driving him and he can’t  explain why he feels suddenly so nervous.

 

As soon as they park the car, Michael opens the door, clearly already ready for work. He has is coat on and his bag in hand and after quickly greeting Dean and kissing Gabe’s head, ruffling his hair with a hand, he waves them goodbye and rushes out.

 

“Where is your brother?” is the first thing Dean asks.

 

“I guess in the kitchen,” replies Gabriel nonchalantly, motioning for Dean to follow him upstairs, “He has probably already started working, but we can ask him if we don’t know something.”

 

Dean is delusional, he thought he would have spent time with the little Novak, but he doesn’t want to bother him while working. Not to mention that there isn’t a real reason to stay with him.

“This is your room?” Dean asks when Gabriel opens the door, arranging the desk for the both of them.

 

“Cassie’s. But he knew we would stay here and he is okay with that.”

 

Dean nods, mumbling a “Cool,” just to sound normal and he sits in front of Gabriel rather uncomfortably. It’s Castiel’s room and even if he’s not there, he feels like he’s invading his personal space. He feels so stupid for his own thoughts.

 

He opens his book, looking for the first exercise. As soon as he finds it, he reads the reaction three times, NaOH + Na2So5 + Mn3As2 à Na2HAsO4 + NaMnO4 + Na2SO4 + H2 and chews on his lower lip, waiting for the letters to make sense. Well, he is wasting his time, “Gabe, have you-” he looks up from his book to his friend, just to find the same helpless expression. There is a wing drawn on the corner of Gabe’s book and that tells Dean a lot about how much attention his friend is putting into chemistry.

 

“I’m waiting for you to tell me what to do,” Gabriel explains and Dean frowns, they are not going to study today.

 

“Well, that could be a problem,” he answers in all honesty.

 

“Okay, we’ll ask Cas.”

 

Dean’s heart skips a beat, “Wait, how is he supposed to help us?” he asks. Okay, Castiel is probably a little weird genius as much as Sam, but he is a year behind them and even Sam doesn’t know how to do reactions yet, there is no way Castiel could be helpful.

 

Gabriel is already standing next to the door, with his book in his hands, “I told you, little freak knows everything. Besides private schools have different classes.”

 

“Cool. Wait, Gabe, are you sure we can ask him? He is busy.”

 

“Stop worrying, Dean. He’ll be glad, he always is,” Gabriel says and Dean frowns. He doubts it; every time he asks Sam for help, his brother looks at him annoyed, saying that if he would pay attention in class he wouldn’t need his help.

 

“Hi, Crowly,” Gabriel says entering the room, without even looking at the kid in the room with Castiel and sitting next to his brother, “We need help.”

 

“Hi, Cas,” Dean greets, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, twisting the notebook in his hands.

 

Cas wears glasses and man, he is hot! And Dean is sweating from head to toe; he is done and he knows it, falling for your best friend’s brother isn’t smart, but it isn’t Dean’s fault that Castiel is so cute. And Dean is the one who claims to not believe into love at first sight.

 

“Hi, Dean,” he says cheerfully, “Sure, I’ll help you. May I just finish this one?” he says, not waiting for an answer, before turning to the other guy and telling him something about Prometheus and the stolen fire.

 

“Coke, Dean?” Gabriel asks, standing up and going to the fridge, “Crowly, do you want one?” he asks and Dean can tell that is tone is different, he just can’t put a finger on it. In the last few days he has understood that Gabriel is weird, he is too tired to even pretend to understand half of what he does. Still, sometimes it’s easy for Dean to get that something is wrong with his friend.

 

“Yeah, sure,” this Crowly guy replies, looking at Gabriel with a weird grin.

 

“Gabriel, please shut up. Crowly, eyes on the page.”

 

Dean looks at him in wonder. Well, if Castiel was his teacher, Dean’s grades would improve dramatically.

 

“Can you do this one alone?” Cas asks and when Crowly nods, he turns his attention back on Dean and Gabriel, “So?”

 

Dean keeps staring amazed when Cas uses his pointer to adjust the glasses on his perfectly shaped nose, while Gabriel puts the open book in front of his brother, “Chemistry. It doesn’t make any sense. I guess there is an error in the book.”

 

Dean can’t help  but laugh, “How do you know that, if we don’t even know where to begin?”

 

“Why do you always have to talk Dean?” Gabriel frowns, “That’s it. Now he is going to explain everything.”

 

“Isn’t it why we came here in the first place?”

 

By now Crowly is looking at Dean, a weird look that almost scares him and Gabriel grunts, dramatically sighing, “Nope Dean! We came here so Cas could do the exercise and I could steal the paper where he wrote it and copy it. But now it’s too late. This one,” he says to his brother, pointing to the exercise number 12, “Explain.”

 

Castiel looks at it and he seems to count something on his mind, “Okay. Do you know what to do at all?”

 

Dean shrugs, “No clue,” at the same time Gabriel rolls his eyes, “Would we be here if we did?”

Castiel turns the page of the notebook in front of him, looking for a blank space to write on. “Here, this one is basic,” he explains, writing a pretty short reaction and turning the notebook to Dean and Gabriel, “You just need to tell me the charge of the ions. What about sodium?”

 

“Cas, you tell us.”

 

“It’s plus one?” Dean half answers, half asks, not even knowing how he knows it. When Cas gives him a proud look, Dean decides that chemistry is his best subject since right now.

 

“Good, and since the molecules needs to be neutral, the oxygen charge is…?”

 

“Minus one?” Gabriel asks.

 

“Nope.”

 

“What? Cas, stop bitching, I know how to count.”

 

“Gabe. It’s minus two. And that’s because you have two sodium and one oxygen.”

 

They end up studying for two hours straight, which Dean would normally complain about; but it doesn’t matter right now when all of a sudden chemistry makes sense and he is almost capable of doing an exercise on his own. Especially since Castiel is so patient and helpful. And hot, but no one needs to know that part. Even Gabriel seems to get it in the end and that makes them both pretty happy.

 

When Crowly is done with his homework too, after Castiel checks on them one last time, the guy surprisingly asks, “Cas? Do you want to go out with me? Have a coffee or something?” and Dean’s heart skips a beat when Crowly brushes a hand against Castiel’s pale arm, making him blush.

 

“Crowly, hands down. He already said no and if you are done, you can pay and go. You know where the door is.”

 

Crowly pouts, handing Gabriel some money and stepping next to Cas again, forcing Gabriel to stand up and put himself between his brother and Crowly, “I said goodbye, Crowly,” Gabriel says, escorting him outside, while Cas mutters apologies to Dean.

 

“Nothing to be sorry for, man,” Dean manages to say, when Cas swears it doesn’t happen normally.

 

When Gabriel comes back, after Crowly is gone, he looks angry.

 

“I told you, Cas, you shouldn’t be around him anymore.”

 

“I’m not having this conversation right now, Gabriel,” Cas replies, motioning to Dean and he suddenly feels like an intruder.

 

“I can wait out-”

 

“No, Dean,” Castiel hurries to answer, “That’s not what I meant. I meant I don’t want to talk.”

 

“Really, Cas? Good. Ehy, Dean, do you want to know why I’m so pissed right now?”

 

“I really don’t.” Dean answers. He actually really, really wants to, but he isn’t going to betray Castiel like this, when it’s obvious he doesn’t want for Dean to know, or maybe for Gabriel to say it, Dean isn’t sure about that.

 

“Too bad. I’m going to tell you anyways.”

 

“Gabriel, enough.”

 

“You don’t need to work with him.”

 

“But we need money.”

 

Gabriel turns away, his arms on his hips, his foot rhythmically bunching against the floor, in a way that almost looks comical, “And we need you healthy, right?” he asks, trying to calm down.

 

“And I am as you can see. I’m not a child, Gabriel, you can trust me on this, okay? It’s alright.”

 

“Does Michael know?” Gabriel asks and it’s clear that he doesn’t, since Castiel doesn’t reply, “Who stays with you when he is here?”

 

It’s Castiel’s time to looks away, “There is no art class, Gabe. We normally study at school so I don’t need someone babysitting me. And today he came after you two were upstairs, Michael doesn’t know. Now, could you please keep it for yourself and don’t tell Michael or whomever else?”

 

“You don’t see him anymore and I don’t tell Michael. Sounds fair?”

 

It doesn’t of course, but Castiel nods. “Sorry, Dean. So, uhm, are you staying here for dinner?” he asks with the obvious intention to quit the subject and Dean frowns, “I’d like to, but mom works late and Sammy is home alone.”

 

“Oh, Sam can come too, if he wants to,” there is something in Castiel’s voice that looks like a plead and Dean hopes it’s because he wants him to stay, “Or we can go out, maybe.”

 

“No, we can’t. you need to rest, remember?”

 

“I’m fine, Gabe.”

 

Gabriel ignores his brother, turning to Dean, “But really, call Sam. I can go take him, if you want to stay here. Michael didn’t take the car and you already have to drive home later, no point into going back and forth so many times.”

 

Dean shrugs, “That would be great.” And it has nothing to do with the fact that he can stay with Castiel for a while.

 

In less than ten minutes, Gabriel is ready to go out and he looks almost presentable, with his hair in place and a clean shirt on, as he heads out, playing with the keys of his brother’s car. They are always supposed to have the car at home when Cassie is here, just in case. But right now there is Dean’s car and even if everyone is sure that nothing is going to happen, just in case it’s there and Dean can drive him to the hospital, so Gabriel can go out.

 

And that leaves just Dean and Castiel for at least an hour.

 

“Are you okay with all of this?” Castiel asks out of the blue, grabbing two ice creams from the freezer and handing one of them to Dean who frowns, not understanding what he is implying. “I mean with Gabriel’s background. Must be hard to find out that your best friend lied to you for two years.”

 

“He didn’t technically lie.” So what, is he trying to push Dean into hating Gabriel?

 

As if reading in his mind, Castiel clarifies, “I tried to persuade him into telling you, but Gabriel is stubborn as hell and he really likes you. Was afraid you would judge him.”

“Why would I? I mean, he didn’t do anything.”

 

Castiel licks on his ice cream, reminding Dean of the one melting into his own hands, “Of course he didn’t. But most of the people we used to have around happened to reject us. And it’s pretty uncommon to live without any parents, in a house where social services come almost every week and having to work this young. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like us.”

 

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and your family, you know? I find all of you pretty great,” he says and before Castiel can object he adds, “I know, I don’t really know all of you and I thought I knew Gabriel better than this. But you know what? I somehow admire all of you. Thought it was hard to live with my mom working everyday and having to worry about Sammy. Turns out your brother does that every single day of his life and he works too. And you and Gabriel have been through a lot, still you two walk around with a smile on your face. It’s pretty impressive.”

 

Now, Dean isn’t one who does big speeches, it’s Sam’s job. But with Castiel it’s somehow easy to open his heart and it sort of came out without him really worrying about what he was saying.

 

“Wow. And Gabriel said you were heartless.”

 

 

***

 

 

When Dean said that he was supposed to stay with Sam, Gabriel didn’t think twice before offering to go take him. He knows Dean won’t suspect anything and it’s ingenuous on his part, but Gabriel won’t complain. He and Sam have been dating for a few weeks now, nothing special, they just went to the cinema, because Sam likes cliché and he loved holding Gabriel’s arm when the film was scary and they have been going out a couple of evenings, when Dean had something else to do.

 

Sam wanted to tell his brother at first, but Gabriel asked him to wait. He shouldn’t have maybe, but he and Dean are friends and being a big brother Gabriel knows that he won’t be happy if someone entered in Cassie’s life, it’s too soon and Sam and Castiel are the same age. Also he always goes to Dean’s and he likes to spend time with him, he doesn’t want his best friend to feel awkward when they are together, thinking that Gabriel is just waiting for him to go out and stay with Sam.

 

He hasn’t told his brothers either. Luce, well, of course he would be the last one to know; and Michael has a lot on his mind, he probably isn’t interested into Gabriel’s private life. That’s not fair and he knows in the back of his mind that Michael should know, but he doesn’t feel like telling him. Cassie is another story. He always asks about Gabriel’s life, he always wants to know what happens, but Gabriel doesn’t tell him because he knows Castiel already feels restrained, he doesn’t want to aggravate his feelings telling him how good public school is when he can’t go there. Also he would do anything to meet Gabriel’s boyfriend and Gabriel hadn’t even mentioned having a brother until few days ago.

 

Not to mention that every time he thinks about telling someone he feels like throwing up.

Of course on the top of everything he now has to deal with a pretty pissed Sam who would have known sooner about his life. Or maybe just under different circumstances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Something to talk about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Gabriel have their talk.   
> Also Michael and Luce have not so good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, life is being crazy.  
> But here I am!  
> Thanks tyo my beta for her awesome job :)  
> Hope you'll like this one, the story is getting interesting...  
> Enjoy!!!

_**Somethingh to talk about** _

 

“Why are you here? I was waiting for Dean.”

 

“We need to talk, Sammy. Come on.”

 

Sam closes the door of his house and follows Gabriel to the car, mumbling something about agreeing to go to Gabriel’s just because Dean wanted to stay there and not wanting to ruin his plans. It doesn’t make a lot of sense in Gabriel’s opinion, but he doesn’t point it out, too afraid that Sam might change his mind.

 

“So you have a family.”

 

“And a sad story I’m sure you already heard when I told your brother.”

 

Sam chews on his lower lip, “Gabriel, I told you everything about me; you know about my drunk father, you even know how I lost my virginity and, news flash Gabriel, even Dean doesn’t know I’m not a virgin anymore. I thought I deserved your trust.”

 

“I’m sorry, okay. I’m not trying to justify myself, I’m just asking for you to forget what I did and start all over again. Can you do that?”

 

Sam shrugs, looking out of the window as the lights of the sunset flash in front of his eyes sparkling between treetops, “I’ll think about it. And I’m sorry if I didn’t answer your calls. I couldn’t talk around Dean or mom.”

 

“And you couldn’t talk in school, either?” he asks, eyeing him and curling his lips. He doesn’t want to make him feel guilty, but he didn’t like being ignored so much, not knowing if he and Sam were still seeing each other, if they were still friends even.

 

“I want to tell Dean,” Sam points out, “I don’t like lying to him and I don’t like that I can’t kiss you when he is around. He is always around, Gabe!”

 

Gabriel smiles, “Yeah, I don’t like that I can’t slap your ass too, but we might have a problem.”

 

“Another one?”

 

“I think my brother likes you, really likes you. Like I do like you and I don’t want to tell him I basically stole you from him.”

 

“Your brother doesn’t even know me!” Sam points out, thinking that Gabriel is just trying to find an excuse and not wanting to give in.

 

But Gabriel knows what he is talking about, “Oh, he does. Math Olympics last year. I didn’t even know you went to Olympics!”

 

“It’s not a big deal and I don’t want to always be the nerdy guy who spends his life on his books,” Sam defends himself, “I don’t remember your brother by the way.”

 

“Yeah, don’t tell him that,” Gabriel mumbles, stroking his hand on Sam’s thigh, “Might kill his pride to know he is so insignificant to you.”

 

Sam gives him a look, but in the end he agrees. So that means that their secret will still be a secret, at least for a while. At least until Castiel has a chance to meet Sam and decide that he doesn’t like him.

 

“What if he does like me in the end? I think I’m… likable, I guess.”

 

“Well, he won’t. Cassie likes the macho man style. He likes someone who is a badass, just like his big brother, someone who is less nerdy-”

 

“Geez, thanks.”

 

“What? I like your nerdy-ness, my brother doesn’t, which is good because I’m jealous. And he likes someone who is obviously funnier than you, who does great jocks and with a total different style. Like mine, maybe. Someone who is into sports and-”

 

“Oh, you mean like Dean.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Gabriel stops him, half disgusted and half irritated from the insinuation, so Sam tries to explain that he was kidding, “I just-”

 

“Cassie is too little to be with Dean.”

 

“I wasn’t-”

 

“End of story.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes, “As you wish, big brother of my ass,” he says, getting out of the car and waiting for Gabriel to let him inside, with one last warning about acting normal.

 

“Guys, we are home! Everything fine?” Gabriel yells and Dean and Castiel quickly approaches them, both smiling, “So, Castiel this is Sam and Sam, Castiel,” he announces almost laughing when his brother’s cheeks turn deep red as Sam shakes his hand.

 

They eat pizza and then go into Castiel’s room to watch a film.

 

As soon as Castiel puts his glasses on, it’s like an epiphany for Sam, who almost jumps out of his chair, “Wait, now I remember you!” he almost yells, gaining a weird look from Dean and a compliant one from Gabriel, “You beat me in the last math Olympics.”

 

“He said you won,” Dean points out and Castiel agrees.

 

“Just because he didn’t finish the last test,” Sam explains and then he turns to Cas, “You were a lot further than me. And I looked for you later, wanted to know why you didn’t show up,” he says, recalling everything as if it had happened yesterday.

 

“I didn’t feel good.”

 

Now Gabriel remembers too. It had been one of the many times he had been pulled out of school by Michael when they had to go to the hospital for Cassie. He had had a seizure and the teachers didn’t want for him to do the test, even if he said he was fine. He also remembers that Castiel had asked him to look up for the winner and was pretty happy when Gabriel told him the name, he just didn’t remember that the nerdy guy with braces and dorky glasses was indeed Sam Winchester.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Gabriel says, “It was a long time ago. Now, can we please watch ‘The Maze Runner’?”

 

“Actually it’s getting late, we should go,” Sam points out, glancing at the clock on the wall. It’s almost midnight and they really should be home by now, what if Mary calls and they don’t answer? He doesn’t want to be in trouble, even if he wishes he could stay with Gabriel forever.

 

“You could stay here tonight? If your mom agrees. It’s just the two of us, Michael will come home tomorrow morning, so…”

 

“I call her,” Dean jumps out of the couch, even before Sam has given his okay and when Dean excuses himself to do the call, Sam looks at his secret boyfriend, mouthing the word ‘Sleepover?’ and making him laugh.

 

“Bring some water,  please!” Gabriel yells to Dean, mouthing back to Sam ‘Maybe,’ just when he is sure that Castiel isn’t paying attention.

 

So Dean heads downstairs, leaving a message with his mom’s secretary service.

 

“Dean, hi!” Michael’s voice surprises him, “I didn’t know you would still be here. Where are my brothers?”

 

“Upstairs, I was just going back to them. Uhm, Michael? Gabriel invited me and my brother for a sleepover, is it okay for you?”

 

Michael seems surprised, it’s obvious that they don’t have guests that often, but at the same time pleased, “Sure, why not? So there is your brother too? I guess I’ll meet him tomorrow morning.”

 

There is something off with him, Dean can read it on his face, but he pretends not to notice, smiling at him and politely mumbling, “Sounds good. Thanks, Michael!” as he heads upstairs.

 

“What took so long?” is Gabriel’s first question, to which Dean answers telling him that Michael is already home. And that he forgot the water in the end.

 

This time it’s Gabriel’s turn to go back downstairs, first of all because he really needs to drink, those damn chips were salty and secondly because Michael never comes back earlier than the time he decided, so something must have happened and he braces himself for the worst.

 

“Mickey? Why are you here?” he asks, following the light in the kitchen and guessing his brother must be there.

 

Michael is sitting on the wooden chair in the kitchen, a bottle of whiskey next to his right hand, a glass half filled with a golden liquid in his left. Gabriel sits in front of him, putting his elbows on the table, “What happened?”

 

“Ehy, Gabe. No need to worry, go back to your friends,” Michael replies, “It has been a while since you last invited someone for a sleepover. The Winchesters must be really good guys.”

 

“It was Cas’ idea,” are the first words that escapes his lips, it doesn’t need to be the truth. “Now, what happened?”

 

At this point Luce enters the room, his chest bare a clear sign that he is going to stay too.

 

“What are you doing here?” Gabriel asks, already defensive, “What is he doing here, Michael? What happened?” he didn’t mean to sound so worried, but he is already starting to panic now. The fact that the four of them are under the same roof and all of them are fine is good, but Luce never stays home when Gabriel is there, so something bad must be going on.

 

“Are you sure you want to know right now? We can wait till tomorrow and tell you when your friends are gone.”

 

“Now.”

 

Michael nods, agreeing to tell him and in the meanwhile Luce approaches them, looking at Gabriel like he was a wounded animal, “Can I stay?”

 

“Whatever. Talk.”

 

Luce takes a seat next to them and Michael starts, “So, we need to ask you something.”

 

Michael’s ‘asking something’ always implies borrowing money that would never come back, but if that’s it there was no need to be so mysterious, “How much? Well, except if it’s for your weed,” he says, addressing Luce, “I won’t be involved into that.”

 

“He doesn’t smoke anymore,” Michael answers quickly with a scolding tone, as if offended that Gabriel thought something like that. Well, that wouldn’t have been the first time that Luce spends all his money on weed and they need to ask Gabriel and Castiel, so it was his due to ask. At the same time as Michael says that, Luce clarifies that they don’t need his money and Gabriel doesn’t know if it makes him feel better or worse.

 

“So, what?”

 

“Ezekiel is flying to London in a week.”

 

“Good.”

 

“He is going to stay there, Gabe,” Luce sends the bomb without sugar coating it, “You need to come back home.”

 

Gabriel stares at the whiskey bottle between his two brothers, unable to speak. They aren’t asking, they are imposing.

 

He remembers the first days after the accident, when their cousin Hanna flew from London to stay with them for a while and Ezekiel offered for Gabriel to stay with him. That time Hanna said it wouldn’t have been good. “The sooner, the better,” she said, “You won’t be able to come back if you let time pass.” She was probably right, because the idea of going back sounds frightening right now and it’s irrational because Luce is doing better and nothing can happen. He is here right now, with Luce in the same room and he feels fine. But the idea of having somewhere else to go if things get rough is comforting. He can’t live here, he is not ready.

 

“Please, don’t do this to me,” he begs, his eyes burning with tears he refuses to let fall.

 

“Actually we have a backup plan,” Michael explains, while his little brother wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, pathetically nodding, “If you want to hear us.”

 

Gabriel barely glances at his other brother, who is looking at him with a sympathetic expression, wishing to be anywhere else but here and Gabriel wishes he were strong enough to tell him that there is no need to worry, that he will be fine.

 

“Ezekiel is going to live in London with Hanna and Rachel, so he is selling the house. And we were already talking about Castiel changing school,” Luce begins and Michael ends, “We could sell this house and buy Ezekiel’s. Would it be okay with you?”

 

Gabriel considers it. It doesn’t change things, he will still live under the same roof as Luce, but it wouldn’t be in the same house where his brother’s head was smashed against a table, it wouldn’t be in the same place where he had been kicked by his older brother. And it’s not like he has a real choice.

 

“You don’t have to say yes just because I’m here, Gabe,” Luce clarifies, “We can find another way, I can go somewhere else,” he says.

 

Gabriel knows his brother well enough to know he means it and it actually sounds a  good plan, to find another place for Luce to live. But that would mean more money which they don’t have and Michael still wants to keep an eye on Luce, what if he starts with drugs again? Gabriel wouldn’t forgive himself if something happens to Luce just because he is too weak to face his fears. Too selfish to even try.

 

There is something else too.

 

No matter how bad things are, no matter how hard he fought to forget it, and no matter how much he will always deny the truth, Gabriel still loves Luce; it’s a brotherly love of course, but it’s love. He shouldn’t say he has a favorite brother, so he won’t, he loves all of his brothers. But he and Luce? They have always had this special bond and the last years, even before Cas’ accident, have been killing him. Maybe this is their chance to make up with each other?

 

In the end he nods, barely mumbling that it’s okay for him and excusing himself from the room, before breaking down.

 

 

***

 

 

“What’s holding him so long?” Dean asks at some point, wondering what has happened to his friend.

 

Castiel is already dozing off, side effect of the cocktail of medicines in his system and Sam is getting worried. “Dean, I need to use the bathroom.” It’s so old as an excuse that Dean probably believes it’s true.

 

Instead Sam silently walks down, stopping at the bottom of the stairs, hearing muffled voices from the kitchen. He tries to get what they are saying, but he doesn’t catch anything at all, all he knows is that at some point, Gabriel is coming back and Sam can’t hide anywhere, so he just stands there, watching him cry and opening his arms for Gabriel to crawl in the warmth of his embrace when he approaches. “Ehy. Ehy, what happened?” he asks worried, stroking his hair, trying to move Gabriel’s head from his chest, so he can see him.

 

“They want me to live with them. Sammy I’m scared.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Ezekiel is moving out. Michael wants me home and I’m scared. But then I feel bad because it looks like I don’t want to be with Luce, which is true, but I still feel bad about it. And I feel bad that I’m not strong enough.”

 

“Ehy, you are strong. Look at me, Gabe. You are here tonight and I’m pretty sure if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t be able to stay, you know?”

 

Gabriel sniffles, pulling back to finally look at Sam, “Sammy, my brother lives here every day, and he is the one who spots the scars of that evening.”

 

Sam doesn’t know how to answer. He wants to tell Gabriel that what happened had probably been scarier for Gabriel than for Castiel. He is pretty sure that Castiel doesn’t remember anything at all and yes, it must be pretty tough to live with the consequences of his crazy brother’s actions, facing him every day and not hating him, but that doesn’t mean Gabriel is less tough. He is the one who feels the weight of what happened on his shoulders, he feels guilty, but especially, he will never forget what happened that evening. It must be horrible for him.

“It’s okay. Look, I can’t say there is a way to fix this. But if you ever feel like you can’t stay home, you can always come to mine. And I don’t mean just because you and I are together, you are Dean’s friend and you know my mom loves you. Our home is always open for you, even if you probably won’t need to come to us. Okay?”

“What would I do without you, Sammy?” Gabriel says and Sam kisses his wet lips, tasting the salt of his tears.

 


	6. Party time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides to go to a party and he accidentally find someone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta!  
> Sorry for being so late, university is taking a lot of time from me.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! There is a bit jump here, but things get interesting...

On Friday night Dean invites Gabriel to a party, but he refuses to go, saying something about his brothers needing help with the moving. To be honest Dean feels like something is off with his best friend; he just got pieces of what’s going on, basically he only knows that his brothers forced him to live with them again and that they are all moving into Ezekiel’s home. Nothing too bad, in Dean’s opinion, but the face Gabriel had on when he told him told Dean otherwise.

 

Dean thought Gabriel might enjoy an evening out, maybe with a couple of beers to swallow down whatever is consuming him and stop thinking, but  Gabriel refused anyways. Too bad.

 

In the end it’s Dean, Sam, Ash and Jo.

 

For the most part Dean has fun, actually enjoys his time especially after a couple of beers and a shot of vodka. Or maybe something else he doesn’t recall the name.

 

“Guys, I’m going to the restroom,” he yells over the too loud music when the numbness that usually comes with being stoned slowly turns into a pounding headache.

 

He actually goes to the bathroom but quickly finds out that the music is loud in there too, so he heads outside. As soon as the door closes behind his back, his ears start to ring, the noisy music fading and the fresh air gracefully hitting his face. He breaths deeply, sighing in relief and when his eyes wonder what’s in front of him, he spots someone.

 

Someone is sitting on the steps next to the back exit, not so far from Dean, with his head down and his elbows on his knees. At first Dean thinks it might be someone who needs air, just like him, or maybe he wants to smoke in peace or whatever else. But then the shadow shifts and Dean can see them painfully retching.

 

“Hey, you okay?” he asks, approaching him. Who knows what this idiot drank or smoked. Dean has heard about people dying because of severe alcohol poisoning, so if he needs to call an ambulance it’s probably the right time.

 

“Dunno,” a raspy voice answers and Dean gasps.

 

“Castiel? What are you doing here? Fuck. What did you drank? Are you stoned? Can you even drink? Fuck, Cas say something.”

 

Castiel holds his head with one hand, the other bracing himself on the ground, as if he thinks he might fall if he lets go. “Dean, just shut up.”

 

Dean quickly bends ~~on~~ his knees, pulling Castiel up by his armpits and the kid shakes on his legs, completely unable to hold his weight on his legs, “ ~~Did~~ Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to move someone who might be injured?” he asks, his words slurring.

 

Dean rolls his eyes, letting go of him as he sits down again, “You aren’t injured, you dumbass. You are completely wasted. What were you thinking, mh? Do your brothers know where you are?”

 

Cas shakes his head no, then yes. “Your brothers know or not?” Dean asks and Cas nods again.

 

“They let you come here?”

 

“I’m not an invalid, Dean.”

 

“But I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t drink.”

 

“I wasn’t supposed to.”

 

Dean mumbles something under his breath, wondering why the big overprotective brothers let him come here alone. That’s pretty irresponsible and probably if someone catches Cas, Michael could lose the custody. So it’s probably unwise to take him to a hospital? Well, given Cas’ condition it’s probably more unwise not to. Fuck.

 

“Cas, do you need a hospital?” he asks when Castiel slumps against the railing even more and in the dim light Dean can now see how fucking pale he is.

 

“Don’t. They’ll tell my brothers.”

 

“Well, you could have thought about it, before wasting yourself like this. Come on, man.”

 

Castiel shivers, “I didn’t. Someone slipped something in my coke. I swear.”

 

“Fuck. Cas, this is bad, do you know what it was? What if something happens to you?”

 

“Tried to throw up. Can’t.”

 

Dean helps him sit straighter and pulls his head forwards, “Come on. I’ve already done this before,” he says, using his hands to open Cas’ mouth when he clenches his jaw surprisingly hard and then he finally pushes his fingers into the other’s throat, actually making him gag. “Come on, Cas.”

 

Cas’ hand flails uselessly until it finds Dean’s wrist and he holds onto it, carefully pushing Dean’s hand out of his mouth.

 

“Cas, if you don’t throw up, I’ll take you to the hospital.”

 

“Head spinnin’ too much.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Dean moves his hands to Cas’ shoulders, holding him still, gently stroking his back and arms, “Okay, Cas, focus. Spinning like drunk induced spin or you feel sick? Are you having a seizure? Cas, I’m almost sure I don’t know what to do, so please, focus and answer.”

 

“Dunno. Dean, help. Please.”

 

Dean moves him again, showing his fingers back into Cas’ mouth with less delicacy, still holding him with one arm around his shoulders and stopping him when he thrashes around, trying to get free. He lets go just in time to see Cas retching angrily. Dean has to hold him up while he throws up somewhere between his legs, unaware that he is vomiting on his own clothes too.

 

“Who dosed your drink?” Cas pants, closing his eyes and Dean doesn’t know if he is tired or just wants to avoid the question, so he keeps asking, “Who were you with?”

 

“Alone.”

 

“We’ll talk about you going around on your own in places like this. Later, maybe. Or tomorrow, when you are feeling better.”

 

“Can’t go home.”

 

“Take you to mine.”

 

“Sam-”

 

“You’ll be in my room, okay? And I can keep an eye on you until the alcohol or whatever else is in your system wears off,” Dean explains, still unsure if he should move him or not. For being so out of it, Castiel is still pretty conscious and Dean wonders if he should tell his brothers, Gabriel at least. If it was Sam, he would kill Gabriel for not telling him.

 

In the end Dean pulls him up, carrying him all the way to the Impala and making him sit. “You wait here, okay? Hang tight.”

 

He sprints inside, looking for his crew and finally recognizing Jo’s blonde hair. “Jo, where is Sam?” he yells over the music.

 

“Someone called him, I think your brother is seeing someone.”

 

Amazing, Jo is drunk too. He is ready to yell at her when Sam reappears, his phone in his hands and maybe Jo was right in the end.

 

“Sam, I’m going home.”

 

“What? Why so soon?”

 

“Doesn’t matter.”

 

Sam looks between Dean’s face and his phone, ringing again and even if Dean can’t read the name of who is calling, Sam clutches his phone to his chest, trying to shelter the screen from his brother’s questioning eyes for good measure. “Let me say goodbye to everyone and I’ll come,” he says.

 

“You don’t need to come with me,” Dean answers quickly. Actually he is so quick that Sam finds it weird. “You can come home with Ash, later” he says, trying to let his brother believe that there is some girl, or man waiting for him, which isn’t exactly a lie by the way. They are even going to sleep in the same room, even if they aren’t going to do what Sam is probably picturing.

 

“Well, have fun, bro. Hope mom doesn’t catch you.”

 

Sam barely finishes what he was saying and Dean runs away, hoping that Cas will still be okay.

 

He is, luckily and he appears to be sleeping with his head against the window and his mouth half open, just like Gabriel would be.

 

“Sorry to wake you,” Dean apologizes, shaking his shoulder everything but gently, “But I need to know that you are still breathing.”

 

It’s futile though, because Castiel sleeps almost the whole ride home and Dean has to carry him to bed.

 

He helps Cas out of his clothes, trying to avoid looking at his most personal parts and focusing on him being Gabe’s little brother. It’s like watching a naked Sam and he has done that plenty of times, there is nothing awkward in what he is doing, except that Castiel isn’t Sam and that Dean might be developing a massive crush on him. He does it as quickly as humanly possible and leaves Cas just with his boxers on because he doubts his or Sam’s pajamas would fit, so he just shoves Cas’ head and arms into one of his shirts, hoping it will cover enough and puts him into his bed.

 

It’s kind of cute to know that Cas is wearing his clothes.

 

Dean sleeps on the floor and he isn’t too annoyed about it, seeing Cas’ cute face as he sleeps is enough to calm him down. He could have gone on the couch, but if Sam had found him downstairs he would have looked into his room and seen Castiel, while now he will hopefully go straight back into his own room and their secret will be fine.

Well, at least he thought it would have been.

 

Instead he wakes up at some point in the middle of the night with Sam screaming and almost jumps to the ceiling for the scare he gets.

 

“Dean!”

 

“Sam! Wait, it’s not what it looks like,” he begins, standing up too abruptly, as something moves inside him and threatens to reappear from his mouth. He steadies himself, closing his eyes for a second or two and then leaves a confused Castiel sitting on the bed and pushes his brother out. “I can explain.”

 

“Seriously? Because Gabriel called me five minutes ago freaking out because Castiel wasn’t at home and he wasn’t answering his phone and now you’ll have to tell him that you hooked him up.”

 

“I didn’t hook him up. I just offered to let him to stay here.”

 

Sam rises his brow, giving Dean one of his best bitch faces, “Seriously? You lie better than this, even I ~~do~~ lie better than this. Now, deal with a pretty pissed Gabriel, if you feel up to it,” he says, dialing his friend’s number on his phone and handing it to Dean.

 

“No way. I gotta take care of Cas, you deal with him,” he says, giving the phone back and using the brief distraction of his brother to rush back into his room and close the door.

 

“How do you feel?” he asks to Cas, who is still sitting in the middle of the bed, rubbing his eyes with one hand and uselessly trying to fix his hair with the other.

 

“Better, I guess.”

 

“Cool,” he says, sitting on the bed next to him, “So, you remember what happened last night, right? You don’t think that I raped you or something. Because I didn’t, I just stripped you off your clothes. And I could have phrased it better. I mean I undressed you. I’m not helping myself, right?”

 

“Thanks, Dean, really. I remember what happened, so no need to worry. What are we going to tell Gabriel? And my other brothers, because I bet they’ll want to know too.”

 

“Cas, I want to help you, but I don’t want to be killed by your overprotective brothers. They scare me.”

 

“I know, if I can’t handle them I’ll tell the truth. But let me try, okay? Maybe just with Gabriel, than he can talk to Mickey and calm things down, please.”

 

Dean nods because he obviously can’t say no to that puppy face, “I’ll play along whatever you decide to say. But I want the truth now. What were you doing and who put what in your coke?”

 

Castiel pouts, crossing his arms on his chest, hugging himself tight, “I wanted to go away for a while. You know, my brothers want to sell the house and live together again and I don’t know how to feel about it. With Gabe and Luce, it’s complicated. And I don’t want to think about them living together again because it makes me feel pretty bad.”

 

“Okay. So you went out because you didn’t want to help them pack?”

 

Castiel nods, “Yup. Crowly invited me to this party and I went with him.”

 

“Crowly? The guy you were tutoring the other day, the one Gabriel threw out your home?” Castiel nods and Dean almost loses his patience, “And where was he while you were dying out there?”

 

“I’m pretty sure he is the one who spilled something in my coke. He offered it to me, so it seems reasonable.”

 

Dean rubs his eyes, a pounding headache making its appearance right behind his eyes, “Want to tell me what’s between you and him?” Because it looks like this Crowly guy is trying to get into Cas’ pants against his will.

 

“He is a guy from my school, Gabriel and I have known him since forever, I think. And maybe he has a crush on Gabriel or me, we haven’t decided that yet” Castiel blushes when he admits it, as if it should be so strange that someone finds him attractive, which is not in Dean’s opinion, “Gabriel hates him and I barely see him as a friend.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“He kind of forced me.”

 

“Forced you to kiss him?” Dean asks wide eyed, hoping that’s it. Hoping nothing worse has happened because seriously, this kid is a mess, he doesn’t need people taking advantage of him and Dean doesn’t know if he will be able to keep cool if Crowly has done more.

 

From Castiel’s expression he has a bad feeling. The little one hugs himself tighter, pulling his knees against his chest, “That. And something more, but Gabriel stopped him.”

 

“Fuck! Why do you still hang around with him?”

 

“I usually don’t,” Castiel says quickly, afraid that Dean might think he has done something bad, “I help him study, but it’s just work, I really need money. Meds are expensive and Mickey can’t provide for everything, we have bills to pay and stuff and I just don’t want them to worry about me too much. But it’s just work, I swear.”

 

He seems stressed now, so stressed that Dean has to hug him, holding him tight to his chest, letting him slowly calm down. “It’s okay, Cas. I know, I know,” he says, running his hand through his hair and that’s how Sam finds them when he opens the door again.

 

He lifts his brow, wondering why Dean didn’t mention that he was with Castiel when he left the party. Instead he just says that Gabriel is waiting for them at home and that he still seems pretty angry. It’s almost two in the morning and he couldn’t find his little brother, it seems reasonable.

 


	7. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Dean and Cas have to tell something to Gabriel.
> 
> Then Gabriel and Sam try to say something too, but things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this!
> 
> Thanks to my beta!
> 
> Enjoy and cuddle with all the Novaks :)

“Fuck, Dean!” Gabriel yells **,** opening the door even before the boys have a chance to knock and the three of them all jump in surprise. Dean couldn’t tell if he is surprised more for the sudden appearance or for Gabriel’s expression, because it really looks like he is fuming with rage.

 

“It’s not what it seems!” Dean says. He has never said that phrase that often, not even when Mary found him getting home at three in the morning with a busted lip and a cracked rib. Fuck. Nobody is going to believe them and Gabriel will force the truth out of him.

 

Gabriel looks at them, impossibly angry. Dean has never seen him this angry, “Explain, right now. Because I bet that isn’t Cas’ shirt,” he says, pointing to the shirt Castiel is wearing, which actually belongs to Dean and taps his foot on the floor, “So, did you just had a one night thing, or are you some sort of boyfriends or what?”

 

“We aren’t-” Castiel begins, looking down and Dean knows he is about to tell the truth, so he stops him, “We haven’t decided yet. We are kind of sorting things out, right Cas?”

 

Castiel looks at him amazed, every inch of his body screaming thanks as he frantically nods in agreement.

 

“Fine. I’ll call Mickey and tell him you are alive and in one piece. He can kill Dean as soon as he comes back home. Then I want to know what exactly is going on between you two and decide if I want to stop Michael or help him.”

 

Castiel nods solemnly. “Great, you call Michael and Dean and I go into my room, we need to talk right now, but I promise I’ll tell you everything later,” Castiel says, taking Dean’s hand and heading him upstairs, in the room which now only has a bed, since most of Cas’ things have been already packed.

 

He is  a great actor, Dean notices. Gabriel told him once that Castiel is way better than him at fooling people, but he had been able to act  so normal around his own brother that Dean is still amazed; in his place he would have ended up babbling something incoherent and obviously not assuring anyone to tell ‘the whole truth’. Fucking Novaks, all of them, they are like a fucking thunder that is literally eating Dean.

 

“What are we supposed to say?” Castiel asks sitting on the bed, “That- that we are together now?”

 

“I don’t think it’s a bad idea,” Dean says, pretending to be looking at the empty wall just because he can’t face Castiel while he basically tells him the wants to be together. He dares to glance at him out the corner of his eye, but he wouldn’t be able to tell what he is thinking about.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to force you into something like this.”

 

Now Dean could kiss Castiel and tell him that he wouldn’t feel forced at all, but that would be too awkward and especially Dean doesn’t know if it’s wise to expose himself so much, so he just waves at him, “How difficult can it be? In the worst of the hypothesis, we’ll say that it didn’t work, but we still want to be friends.”

 

“I don’t know how to thank you, seriously,” Castiel whines, standing up and hugging him. And Dean loses himself into the scent of Castiel’s hair. He could have spent the  rest of the day just pressed against him like that, but Castiel quickly pulls away, telling him that they have to get down, or Gabriel will get suspicious, so they both run down the stairs again.

 

“-gether, Gabe. How bad can they take it if we tell them-”

 

“Tell us what?” Dean asks, entering the living room abruptly, Cas a step behind him, his head barely peeking inside between the door and Dean’s head.

 

Sam looks at him and Gabriel feels all the pressure on himself. It’s now or never.

 

 

He collects his thoughts and as much as he wishes he could bury himself somewhere and avoid having this conversation, he knows that Sam would never forgive him if he doesn’t talk right now; Sam could tell them himself, instead he is giving him the chance to do so and show that he cares. The last time he admitted liking someone it ended badly and when Gabriel begins to talk he feels bile rising into his throat. Too many things. New house, Luce back with them, Sam, coming out to Dean and Castiel. He doesn’t know if he can survive all of this.

 

“Gabriel, you tell them, or else I swear, I won’t talk to you ever again.”

 

“We- I-” he pants, his mouth numb, his heart racing at an impossible speed, “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, running to the bathroom, slamming the door behind himself just before throwing up.

 

He completely misses the toilet, puking on the white floor, barely holding himself up until Castiel reaches him and helps him stand straight. “Gabe, it’s okay. Don’t worry, everything is fine. It’s okay.”

 

It takes a moment for Gabriel to calm down enough to acknowledge that Sam and Dean are gone. Castiel assures him that they didn’t want to intrude, if Gabriel was feeling bad, but Gabriel knows that Sam is angry at him, angry because he was too dumb to just admit that he likes Sam and that he would love to stay with him, holding his hand in public and sharing a meal. Too fucking cowardly to even do that.

 

He calms down after a while and when Cas asks if he can sleep there just for tonight, he is too tired to refuse.

 

When he tries to call, Sam doesn’t answer and after a couple times of his phone goes off, unmistakable sign that he doesn’t want to be bothered anymore. Gabriel lays on the bed, doing his best to sleep it off. For once he doesn’t care where he is sleeping, he doesn’t even notice that he is on Michael’s bed, he is too shaken up about everything and things are happening so quickly that he hasn’t had a chance to process them. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

 

 

Of course things don’t go the way he wishes.

 

 

Next morning he wakes up with his head pounding into his skull. It takes a moment for Gabriel to remember that he didn’t drink last night, that he isn’t stoned or drugged up. It’s just a headache, he tells himself, standing up with incredible effort.

“Gabriel, hurry up or you’ll be late,” Michael yells from downstairs and when Gabriel looks around he finally notices where he is. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is he doing here? Why is he here? He is feeling shaky all of a sudden.

 

“Gabe, you heard me?”

 

He reluctantly moves to the stairs, grabbing the rail to hold himself up, “Mickey, I don’t feel good.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Michael asks putting something into his bag and not even looking at him. it’s clear that he has just come home and that he is going to leave soon. Where he has been is a mystery, but Gabriel doesn’t bother to ask.

Instead he does a quick check up. His head is swimming terribly, he threw up last night, but he can’t tell Michael or else he will think that Gabriel is doing that again; his whole stomach is upside down, but admitting that would be the same that telling Mickey he threw up. Oh and his muscle aches and he still hasn’t talked to Sam. “Headache,” he mumbles in the end, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

 

“You are fine, Gabriel, you just want to stay home, but you are okay. Now hurry up.”

 

“Please.”

 

“You probably didn’t sleep well, that’s it. Take a coffee and you’ll be fine, now dress quickly, we are late.”

 

Gabriel grunts, the mere mention of coffee makes his mouth fill with saliva. He wishes he could tell him how bad he actually feels, but he knows he can’t, not without scaring Michael to death and he can’t do that, especially when Castiel has just come out of hospital and they are all moving out. He isn’t the only one who is stressed and he isn’t special, so he has to suck it up and be a man, he decides, hardly getting back up and showering.

 

 

***

 

 

Gabriel has been silent almost all the time and even if Dean knows that he must be on the edge because of the moving in, it still seems too awkward, even for Gabriel. So, after looking at his friend as he slowly falls apart for two hours, he dares to ask, “Gabe, are you okay?”

 

Gabriel folds his arms on the desk, pressing his head against them and whines, “My head hurts.”

 

“Do you want to go home?”

 

Nod. “I just texted Mickey, he doesn’t believe I don’t feel good.”

 

“Do you want me to give you a lift?”

 

“Don’t have keys. They changed the lock two days ago. How is Sammy?”

 

Dean rises a brow. Sam has been upset since they came home yesterday, but he refused to explain what Gabriel should have said before getting sick. But why does Gabriel care about Sam right now when he looks so sick?

 

“Why don’t you call Luce?” he asks in the end, not really answering his question, “I know it isn’t the best option but you can’t stay here like this other three hours.”

 

“Don’t want to talk to him,” Gabriel explains, shifting his head until he is facing his friend, his cheek still pressed against his arm, “I don’t feel good,” he whines again.

 

“I’m going to call him, just give me your phone,” Dean finally decides and Gabriel slowly does what he has been told, almost dropping the phone in the process of giving it to Dean, who quickly looks for the right number and makes the call.

 

It’s awkward to talk to Luce, who he has never seen before, but his friend is a wreck and he can’t stand the conversation. Dean quickly says that Gabriel has a bad headache and that he just realized that his forehead is hot and sweaty, so he must have a fever, pretty high if Dean is right.

 

Luce is at school almost an hour later, picking his brother up and taking him straight home, profusely thanking Dean and he seems to worry so much that Dean wonders how he can be the one who messed up with Castiel so bad. It’s awkward as a first meeting, especially because Dean had thought he would have hated Luce and instead he just sees a very scared big brother all worried about his brother.

 

As soon as they are gone, he realizes that he should probably tell Castiel that is brother is sick, or maybe he doesn’t, if he doesn’t want to scare him too. Apparently these brothers are pretty close to each other, maybe as much as he and Sam are, so he decides that he’ll call Cas later, when his assumed boyfriend will be done with his classes.

 

In the meanwhile, Luce walks Gabriel to the car. Staying with him is always hard, probably as much as it is for Gabriel to do the same. Now, looking at him, Luce can’t help but see the little guy who used to worship the ground Luce walked on when they were younger. Gabe was always so enthusiast, whatever Luce would show him, he would try to do the same and Luce remember how much he loved having him around. He won’t be able to say when things went that bad, when stealing Gabriel’s lollipops turned into spraining his wrist with his bare hands. He wouldn’t be able to say why he used to do that things, not even now after so much time and so much therapy.

 

It doesn’t even matter, because now Gabriel is badly scarred because of him and Luce won’t forgive himself for that.

 

He wishes he could understand what goes through his little brother’s mind, but Gabriel is always so elusive when it comes to his struggles and if he doesn’t talk to Michael, there is no way he would talk to Luce, so he hasn’t even asked. In so much time, never, not even once he asked how he is coping with everything.

 

He has to hold his brother’s arm to help him walk right now and the fact that he isn’t complaining about being so close tells Luce that Gabriel must feel pretty shitty at the moment. He helps his little brother inside the car he borrowed from work, since Michael has the only car they have and buckles his seatbelt, before getting inside on the driver’s side.

 

“Gabriel, you with me?” he asks and his brother nods, rubbing a hand over his stomach, “What’s wrong, Gabe?”

 

“Don’t feel good. Wanna go home.”

 

“It’s okay. Why didn’t you tell us you were so sick?” he asks, looking at him with the corner of his eye.

 

Gabriel shifts on his seat, finding it hard to find a comfortable position, “Michael didn’t believe me. He refused to take me to Ezekiel’s.”

 

 

***

 

 

When school ends, Dean’s first thought is to finally call Castiel and that’s exactly what he does while he and Sam are going home. Sam seems oddly interested in the conversation and when Dean hangs up the phone he starts asking questions.

 

“How was he? Is he okay now? Can we go see him?”

 

“Chill, Sam. Now, you were angry at him yesterday and I still don’t know why or what he was supposed to tell me and now you want to go see him even if he can give you the flu?”

 

Sam pouts, “I’m just worried, you would do the same if it was Cas, don’t you?” he asks biting his lip as soon as the words escape his mouth.

 

In fact Dean quickly answers, “That’s because Cas is my boyfriend,” man, it’s still so weird to say it out loud, “Not just my brother’s friend.”

 

“You know what? You are right. Just my brother’s friend. Fine.”

 

“Sam, elaborate. Now.”

 

That’s how Sam tells him everything. He tells Dean about going out with Gabriel  months ago, kissing him and Gabriel panicking about telling everyone. He explains that he would have told Dean as soon as it happened, but Gabriel said he needed time and Sam is always a sweetheart, so he gave him all the time he needed. He tells Dean about knowing the truth about Gabe’s life just after Dean and being impossibly disappointed about it. Now, Sam just knows pieces of Gabe’s story so he is a little bit surprised when Dean tells him to understand why Gabriel couldn’t say it out loud, that he is scared and he needs Sam to stay with him.

 

“Now, knowing you as my big overprotective bitching brother, I would have thought you would have murdered Gabriel,” Sam smiles, “Gabe is jealous about Cas, you know? And everything you say is to forgive him?”

 

“I just say that Gabe is in a really bad place right now, he is scared about living with his brother, worried for Cas and now he feels pressured to tell the truth in front of his brother. Can you put yourself into his shoes for a moment? It’s hard for him.”

 

“Wow, Dean. You are unbelievable. You don’t care that we kept it from you from months, you don’t care that I’m sleeping with-”

 

“Wait! We barely mentioned a kiss, now what’s about sleeping with Gabe? Do I have to chop his dick off? Because I swear, Sam, if you have slept with someone, or would do it before you are thirty, there will be some cutting of dicks here.”

 

At that Sam smiles again, “Now I recognize you,” he mumbles.

 

It’s weird, but when Gabriel acted all bossy about Cas’ private life it had seemed so sweet that Sam had missed when Dean used to be like that with him. It’s still good to feel the younger one sometimes, to feel that someone else wants to keep you safe.

 

Gabe must miss that too and it’s sad.

 

“Can we go to Gabe’s later?”

 

“Sure, I need to have a talk with him. And no, I won’t tell him I know about you two… Just clarify a few rules.”

 

 

***

 

 

“Michael, he had a high fever and you made him go to school. You even refused to pick him up,” Luce yells. He doesn’t yell often, not after his anger management therapy, but right now he has a right to do so. Renee, his therapist taught him how to discern between unhealthy anger and normal anger. And when someone hurts someone you love it’s a good anger, you just need to control how you react to your feelings. Shouting is good, punching Michael wouldn’t be a wise idea, but luckily for now he doesn’t even feel the need to punch him, just to make him feel a dick for what he did.

 

“I’m sorry okay! I thought it was just an act, you know how he is, always melodramatic and all. Now, where is he?”

 

Luce breaths deeply when Castiel comes downstairs, scared because of their loud voices. So when he speaks again is voice is  lower, “I put him to bed. He threw up on the way here and his fever was pretty high. I gave him some meds and he has been sleeping since then.”

 

“Actually he is awake,” Castiel points out, drinking milk directly from the box, ignoring Michael’s glare, “He said he’d like to go back home.”

 

“I don’t want him to be on his own and-”

 

“Told him,” Castiel explains, “He said he can take care of himself and he’ll be fine. He is getting dressed.”

 

Michael grunts, standing up and running upstairs, the other brothers looking at each other helplessly as he yells, “No fucking way.”

 

When Michael reaches the top of the stairs, Gabriel is completely dresses and something in his mind tells him that Castiel purposely gave him time before telling his brothers that he wanted to leave. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes glassy and Michael wonders how he didn’t notice that he was telling the truth. Now it makes sense to be honest. There is no way that Gabriel would have stayed with them if not absolutely necessary, this isn’t his home and he doesn’t want to be here. He has just been a great big dick.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

“I want to go home.”

 

“Gabe, please. Be reasonable. You passed out, how can you stay on your own? Stay here, okay? Just for tonight, I promise. We are doing our best, we will be ready to move in a while, just be patient.”

 

“I don’t-”

 

“Gabriel, it’s okay. I won’t be here tonight,” Luce says, standing in front of the door, with his arms hanging down and looking down, “Just don’t be stupid, okay?”

 

Gabriel sighs, because as much as he wants to say that it’s not Luce that’s the problem, the idea of him not being here makes things better and his head hurts so bad that he is actually glad to stay here, where Cas can stay with him and take care of him, because right now, little Cassie is the only one he trusts next to him.


	8. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe finds the courage to tell the truth, but is it worth the price?  
> And Dean admits something!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to say here to be honest, it has been hard to write this chapter, I hope I didn't screw up too much...

“Can we go to see Cas’?” Sam asks, standing next to the Impala.

 

The original idea had been to go there yesterday, but when Mary had come home early to have dinner together just for once, the boys didn’t have the heart to tell her they had other plans. As awesome as Mary is,  her job steals a lot of time and they don’t have a lot of time to spend together. They figured that they could talk to Gabe tomorrow. Which means today.

 

But Gabriel wasn’t at school and he didn’t answer his phone.

 

Under normal circumstances, Sam would think that he was just acting like an idiot and refusing to answer just like Sam used to do when they had an argument, but the fact that he wasn’t at school made him worry. And feel like shit for how he treated him.

 

So Sam spent all the day worrying, with the result of him almost certainly failing his test just because he couldn’t focus on it.

 

Dean rises a shoulder, “Gabriel is sick, I don’t want to get sick too.”

 

“Come on, Dean, it’s your best excuse to see your boyfriend,” Sam says, waiting for Dean to consider the idea and he isn’t surprised when Dean nods, getting into the impala and driving in the opposite direction from his own home. He grins for the small victory and his heart beats faster at the idea of seeing Gabriel not knowing if he is upset or not for his behaviour.

 

When Dean parks, Sam has already sent four messages to Gabriel, not getting an answer obviously, but at least he won’t say he hasn’t warned him about the visit.

 

It’s Michael the one who opens the door, a wide grin on his face, “Hi, Dean. And you have to be the little brother?”

 

“Sam. I’m Sam. Uh, hi.” Despite his best effort he still stutters, anxious because he is meeting his boyfriend’s family, even if unofficially and he envies his brother who seems so confident, shaking Michael’s hand and heading upstairs even before Michael has a chance to tell them to.

 

He follows quietly, spotting Castiel in his room and waving at him.

 

Dean reaches his boyfriend, quickly kissing him on the lips; they barely touch, which is weird considering that Dean always eats his girlfriends mouths when he has a chance. Sam figures that if he is so careful he must really love Cas.

 

“So, where is the invalid?” Dean asks, stroking his boyfriend’s hair.

 

“In Mickey’s room, he didn’t want to sleep anywhere else,” Castiel explains, motioning for them to follow him as he goes to the room across hall, and just goes in without knocking.

 

Gabriel lies on the bed, curled up in a tight ball under a big purple comforter with birds painted on it. He coughs at some point and the whole bed trembles for a moment, but when he stops his eyes are still closed. “Gabe,” Castiel calls, kneeling in front of him, “Gabe you should wake up.”

 

“Let him sleep, Cas,” Dean whispers, “He looks like death warmed over.”

 

“He has been sleeping all day, I should at least take his temperature.”

 

The brothers look at each other, wandering why Michael doesn’t play nurse with Gabriel, but no one dares to ask. At some point Gabriel opens his eyes shifting uncomfortably on the mattress, trying to cover his eyes from the light. His fever is still high, almost 103, according to the thermometer Castiel forces into his mouth, and Gabriel is even more annoying than normal, complaining about being cold and his throat hurting and not liking how loud they talk, even if they are barely whispering around him.

 

After half an hour Cas is on the verge of throwing his sick brother out the window and Sam forces him and Dean to go relax somewhere else, because he can take care of Gabriel and Castiel doesn’t need to be told twice.

 

He takes Dean’s hand in a way that has become incredibly familiar and walks with him into his room.

 

“Dean? You are good at this,” Cas mumbles when Dean closes the door and sits on the bed next to him. They don’t have to pretend right now, but it’s still comfortable to have Dean so close, to feel his scent and his heat.

 

Castiel has never had a proper boyfriend. He used to hang out with Crowly, but they had never reached that point. It’s new for him to have someone who holds his hand, who pays for him at the cinema and gives him the last bite of his cheeseburger. When he thinks about it it’s sad that he is just pretending his first love. Dean is damn good at it, he makes Cas feel special, he makes everything seem so natural that sometimes Cas wonders how much he is  pretending to be so attached to Dean and how much he is growing feelings for him.

 

“Look Cas, I’m not good. I’m just- I’m not pretending,” Dean says and Castiel is afraid he might have dreamed it as he adds, “I guess I like being with you.”

 

“I thought I liked your brother,” Cas admits with a smile.

 

It needs to be sounded bad because Dean abruptly moves away, so he quickly adds, “I mean, Sammy seemed so smart and I saw him at the Olympics and never forgot him, when you said you were his brother I only wanted to meet him.”

 

“Great.”

 

“Only to find out I had already met someone special,” he finishes, smiling as realization spreads on Dean’s face, “Would you mind being my boyfriend for real, Dean?” he asks and Dean laughs, leaving Cas confused and a bit disappointed.  [YES, I AM NOT CAPABLE OF WRITING ROMANCE AND THAT’S THE BEST I CAN DO! NOW, GO TALK TO MY EX BOYFRIENDS IF YOU THINK I MUST THINK BETTER OF LOVE]

 

“That’s it, Cas? Really?”

 

“I just thought-”

 

Dean laughs again, pulling Cas closer and kissing him. It’s not deep, nor passionate. It’s more a ‘shut up, you dumbass’ kiss and he uses Cas’ surprise to explain. “You should at  least have kissed me. Pinned me on the bed and told me how much you love me. That would have been more impressive,” he says.

 

And Castiel acts on impulse, kneeling on the bed and pinning Dean down, “I’m sorry if I don’t have a lot of experience. I can learn,” he says, leaning on him and kissing him.

 

“That’s my boy.”

 

 

***

 

 

So Sam and Gabriel are finally alone.

 

Sam moves from the chair he has been sitting on to the one closer to the sick boy, running a hand through his sweaty hair, “Gabe, I’m sorry I ran like that. I’m even more sorry I didn’t answer your call, but Dean was right next to me. And I texted you this morning, but you didn’t answer.”

 

Sam looks down when Gabriel doesn’t answer, almost expecting to find him asleep, instead Gabriel’s hazel eyes are looking at him and he is smiling.

 

“What?”

 

“You are amazing,” he answers, “My phone is probably dead somewhere and I have been asleep all the morning, so I’m sorry. But in my defense, I didn’t run away. I threw up, which you would have known if you had given me five more minutes.”

 

Sam doesn’t know if Gabriel is purposely making him feel guilty or if it’s a side effect of him trying to justify himself, but he feels a dick anyways. To add even more shit on the whole situation, Gabriel asks him to join the others because he feels like he should tell them.

 

“You don’t have to, I know you are scared.”

 

“It’s irrational. And I don’t want you to feel like we are hiding, that sounds so wrong,” Gabriel mumbles, carefully sitting on the bed, shivering when he loses the heat of the sheets, but he still stands up, holding Sam’s hand tight. “Just stay with me, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Gabriel knocks on Cas’ door and peeks inside, holding Sam’s hand so tight that his fingers are getting numb. “Guys? Can we talk, maybe?”

 

“What about?” Dean asks, straightening his shirt and pulling at his wild hair and Sam wonders if they were about to have sex. He smiles inside at the idea of stopping his brother’s plans and squeezes Gabriel’s hand.

 

Dean and Castiel must have noticed and now they seem to be waiting for an explanation.

 

Gabriel takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and cringing, “We have been together for  three months and half. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I forced him to keep the secret. And that’s it.”

 

There is a moment of silence, broken just by Gabriel’s hitching breaths, until Dean shrugs telling him that it sounds fair, since he is dating his brother too. That’s when Gabriel dares to open one of his eyes, looking around to make sure that there is no threat and that no one is going to yell at him. There are just three happy faces and for some reason he feels overwhelmed about all of that.

 

What if Luce heard too? He should have checked that he wasn’t at home. What if he comes out from nowhere? Or if Cas tells him? Please, don’t tell him. He and Luce are just beginning to talk to each other, it can’t end again.

 

Suddenly his mouth is incredibly watery, he is producing so much saliva that it’s filling his mouth and he needs to spit it somewhere. Maybe he should go to the bathroom. It’s just that all of his limbs feels so heavy and he doesn’t remember how to move his legs. Maybe someone shut the lights off, because he can’t see where the door is.

 

He hears the muffled voices of the others calling for him, but he can’t answers because if he does, he will throw up and that would be unpleasant.

 

“Gabe, please. You are scaring me, Gabriel!” Castiel yells, patting his cheek and when Gabriel dares to open his eyes, oh that’s why it was so dark before, he notices that he is sitting on the floor, Dean’s  hand on his forehead and Sam’s around his shoulders. Oh, he threw up without even noticing. He feels ashamed all of a sudden, even if no one seems to care as they help him out of his shirt and into a clean one and lay him on Cas’ bed.

 

“Please,” Castiel begs once he is all settled, “Don’t try to be a hero again. You waited three and a half months to tell us, you could have waited until your fever went down.”

 

There is a cold washcloth on his forehead and Gabriel wishes he could tell them that it has nothing to do with his fever.

 

But Cas doesn’t know and it doesn’t seem fair to tell him, at least not now that he seems so happy with Dean. He can’t tell Sam either, they already went through a lot in the last few weeks and if Sam knew he would leave Gabriel for good this time. He can handle it, it’s fine.

 


	9. A little help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' first day in his new school and something about Gabe's issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it took me so long. I changed my beta, so here I want to thank both my old beta (wishing her good) and my new beta, who literally saved me!
> 
> That said... I just want to say that Loki (you'll know who he is readying!) actually exists, he is mine and his real name is Pocho. I wish I could post his photo, but I don’t know how to.
> 
> I guess that’s all. Enjoy the chapter!

Castiel is excited. More than excited. It’s his first day at his new school, he will be with Gabriel and even Sam and Dean, and it sounds so perfect.

 

His asthma has been bothering him since last night, but he figures it’s just anxiety. It happens sometimes and Michael tells him it’s normal, it will get better once he’s more relaxed. But to keep him breathing well enough for now, last night he had to have a needle stuck into his ass cheek, to keep his bronchus from swelling too much and he had been able to sleep almost five hours.

 

It’s a lot considering how nervous he was.

 

As he takes first steps into the new school, everything seems fine. He is so excited that he doesn’t even stutter when the teacher asks for his name and he doesn’t stumble when he goes to his seat, which happens to be next to Sam.

 

“Thank you,” he says as soon as he sits, knowing that his friend kept the seat for him and Sam shrugs it off with a half whispered, “Don’t mention it.”

 

Most of his classes are easy, probably because he was in advanced classes at his old school, but his brothers begged him to take it easy, since so much is changing and he doesn’t need any further stress, at least in the beginning. They’re all scared he might fail, he knows. Dean seems oddly overprotective too, but he doesn’t feel overwhelmed, for once he allows himself to just feel… well, excited. Plain and simple. It’s the first glimmer of a normal life he has had in almost three years.

 

Meanwhile Gabriel isn’t having such a good day. He feels shaky and nervous and that’s been going on for a while now. Michael forced him to have breakfast at home and he barely held it down before arriving at school. He left Cas next to his class and ran to the bathroom, throwing up so hard that now his throat hurts. Throwing up is always disgusting, it tastes awful and it’s painful and makes him feel weak and ashamed. That’s why he’s trying so hard to eat as little as he can.

 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to eat, it’s just that there are periods when every time something goes into his stomach, it reappears in his mouth no long after. So when he has these periods, it’s better for him to avoid eating all.

 

If Mickey or Luce finds out, he’ll be in trouble, but he is getting better at hiding his struggles. Sometimes he keeps his lunch in his bag and feeds it to a dog on the way home. The dog likes it more than Gabriel, in fact he likes it so much that he licks Gabe’s hand whenever he's fed and when he stands up to walk away he licks his ankles too. He likes that dog so much that he has even given him a name, Loki.

 

But today Cas will be with him, so he has to pretend to eat at least and he can’t give anything to Loki, poor dog wouldn't  eat it.

 

When they meet for lunch he wears his best happy face and the first thing he does is ask Cas about how his first day is going.

 

“It’s amazing here, Gabe! Look, I’m with Sam almost every period!” he says, showing Gabriel his timetable and Gabriel stares at it without reading. His little brother has colored every subject with a different color, so he can easily read it and find out how many classes he has each day and how many days he has to do his homework for each class. He would have been impressed, if it hadn’t been that his maniac of a brother, has always been over-organized.

 

“And we sat together in math and literature and I sat behind him in french. I met a girl, Charlie! I sat with her in french and chemistry, she is so nice!”

 

Castiel jumps up and down so energetic and enthusiastic and Gabriel smiles back as happily as he can, asking him questions and listening to every word he says.

 

“Dean, can you believe it? She asked me if I knew the first theorem!” Castiel says for the hundredth time, telling them how the teacher tried to test his knowledge in math, “And I told her that-”

 

“And she said you were great,” Sam, Dean and Gabriel finish the sentence together, as Castiel has already told them, more than once.

 

“You’re a genius, little brother,” Gabriel says, pushing a bite of his sandwich into a napkin and quickly hiding it into his bag. It’s an emergency plan and he’ll have to find a way to throw everything away before coming home, just in case. He is amused that it’s working, he sort of expected someone to notice.

 

“Gabriel, you with us?” Dean asks and Gabriel almost lets the full napkin fall, “You zoned out, are you okay?”

 

“Perfectly. Just worried about the test.” he answers, saying the first thing that he can think of.

 

“What test?” Dean asks surprised and Castiel punches his arm.

 

“You have a math test, Dean. In a hour. Gabriel has been studying pretty hard for it.”

 

“Fuck. A test?! Where was I when the teacher was talking about it?”

 

Gabriel shrugs and Dean starts panicking.

 

He says something about needing to find a way to copy from someone, preferably not Gabriel who struggles as much as he does, studying or not. But Gabriel is having trouble listening, he is having another spell of dizziness and his ears are ringing loudly, muffling every sound and making him nauseous despite the lack of food.

 

In the end he is forced to stand up and rush to the bathroom, before throwing up what little he had eaten. That’s it. It’s one of those periods where he simply can’t eat.

 

He is almost relived when school ends and he can come home, just to find out that school called his brothers because he is failing in almost every class. That’s how he ends up locked in his room, refusing to talk to anyone.

 

 

***

 

 

“Gabriel, come down. Now!” Michael yells from the bottom of the stairs.

 

Dinner is ready and Gabriel still refuses to come down and eat, so he has no other option but to yell. “Mickey, don’t yell like that, I’ll talk to him,” Luce offers, heading to his brother’s room.

 

School calling because of Gabriel, combined with the moving in that just happened yesterday is making Michael pretty annoyed, and annoying to be honest. Luce gets that his brother is angry at Gabriel for failing his math test, he had been warned that he needed to study harder, but it’s just a fucking test, Michael could be less dramatic; Castiel even said that Gabriel had studied, what if math is just too difficult for him? They can’t blame him for not being capable enough, right? Even Michael was crap at math, actually it’s more weird that Cas is a genius than that Gabe failed, but whatever.

 

He knocks on his little brother’s door, opening it anyways when nobody answers and finding Gabriel sitting leg crossed on the bed.

 

“Dinner is ready.”

 

“Not hungry.”

 

“Gabriel-”

 

“I said I’m not hungry, now shut up and leave me alone,” he yells on the verge of crying.

 

Luce crosses his arms on his chest, “Acting like that won’t make Michael take back your punishment.” It’s unfair to ground him, but sometimes Michael likes to pretend to be a good guardian and he thinks rules are important and Gabriel needs to learn a lesson, so there is nothing Luce or even Gabe can do.

 

The fact is that today is Friday and Gabriel was supposed to pick Sam up and go to the cinema, and now he is stuck at home and Michael took his phone, so Gabriel can’t even talk to Sam. After trying to reason with his big brother, Gabriel’s head was going to split from the bad headache he had, so he just surrendered, praying for Cas to talk to his boyfriend and try to explain the situation.

 

That’s how Cas ends up at the Winchesters.

 

Sam has been so excited about their date that he has been annoying  Dean for days. Cas knows because Dean complains a lot about how much his brother talks about Gabriel, which apparently is pretty annoying for Dean.

 

When the doorbell rings and Dean opens the door to find Castiel of all people, he is impossibly happy to see him, kissing him deeply and rubbing his hands all over his boyfriend.

 

“Calm down, tiger,” Castiel says politely pulling away, “I’m not here for you.”

 

“What? You should always be here for me, Cas!” he plays, but Castiel just rolls his eyes, asking for Sam.

 

“Cas? Why are you here?” Sam asks, looking in his dresser for the perfect shirt. Officially this is their first date and he wants it to be perfect.

 

“Uh, Sammy, my brother told me to tell you, he can’t be here nor answer his phone.”

 

For a moment Sam stops, still kneeling next to the dresser, with his hand on the shirt he was picking up. “What? Why?” he asks, standing up and crossing his arms on his chest. “If this is one of Gabriel pranks…”

 

“He’s grounded.”

 

“What has he done?” Dean asks for his brother.

 

Honestly, the Novak family doesn’t seem like any ordinary family. His mom would ground him if she discovered that Dean smokes, but Gabriel always smokes in front of his brothers and no one has ever mentioned it. Once Mary grounded Sam just for being home late, but that isn’t a problem for the Novak family, so what could have happened? Gabriel hasn’t murdered anyone, has he?

 

“He failed the last math test.”

 

“Math? Come on, even Dean passed it.” Sam frowns, starting to realize that Gabriel probably didn’t want to go out with him. Maybe he is chickening again, that dumbass.

 

“I know, it’s weird, he studied a lot. But Mickey had been clear, if he failed again he was going to be grounded for three weeks, which is what just happened.”

 

“Three weeks?” Dean yelps, “For a test? Come on, your brother needs to redefine his priorities, he can’t ground Gabe for that.”

 

Castiel shrugs, “Actually, he can and he did. He took his phone too, said too many distractions are bad for him, I’m sorry Sam. Gabriel felt so bad about it, but he can’t do anything.”

 

“You know what? He could have studied harder.”

 

“You’re being unfair now, I helped him, he studied a lot.”

 

“Leave him be, Cas, he’s just disappointed.”

 

 

***

 

 

When Gabriel comes to school on Monday he looks different. Castiel said that he has been acting strange lately, that he spent the weekend locked in his room which is weird, because when he’s grounded, Gabriel is usually always so annoying that in the end Michael retreats his punishment. Instead he rarely spoke, even to Cas.

 

Even now, in class he seems absent, teachers complaining about his lack of effort and his bad marks, with his friends he spends most of the time just listening to them, no more funny interactions at all.

 

“Gabe, you okay?” Dean asks, patting his knee.

 

It had been Sam to ask for Dean’s help. ‘You are his best friend, he’ll talk to you,’ and Dean didn’t reply ‘Well, you are his boyfriend, he should talk to you,’ because it has already happened. Gabriel asked for Dean’s help when Castiel was in the hospital, not Sam’s. He probably needs a friend, not a boyfriend who adds pressure on him.

 

So he talks to Gabriel.

 

“I’m fine. Why?”

 

“Well, everyone is worried, Gabe. You’re being… distant?! What’s worrying you so much?”

 

Gabriel chews on his lower lip, Dean can recognize every sign of distress: the way his lips curl, as if he wishes he could talk about something, but in the end he decides that it’s better not to, the way his hands clench into tight fists, his fingers curling on their own effortlessly, the way his eyes seem afraid to look at Dean.

 

“You told me about Cas, remember? You can tell me anything and I won’t tell your brother or mine. I’m your friend. Now don’t make me all emotional, it’s not my thing.”

 

“Dean, there is nothing wrong, I’m just a little stupid sometimes, I’ll be fine.”

 

Dean doesn’t believe him, but he has no other option than to trust his friend, making him promise that if things get bad he’ll go to him. They’ll find a way, they always do one way or another.

 

“Thank you,” Gabriel mumbles and Dean smiles, offering him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

 

It’s just after lunch and they are going to their last class. Dean can’t help but stare at his friend, trying to keep an eye on him, even when he’s supposed to be doing something else. If possible, Gabriel looks even worse. Pale, shaky and unfocused, something that is scaring Dean whose mind is already planning to talk to his mom and ask for some wise advice from someone who has better experience dealing with teenagers.

 

“Gabe?”

 

Dean stops when Gabriel grasps weakly at  his arm, trying to steady himself and failing miserably, ending up on the floor before Dean has a chance to get a better hold of him.


	10. Not a baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has to tell the truth here...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait AGAIN.
> 
> Thanks to my beta!
> 
> Enjoy and let me know what you think about it. It's one of my favourite chapters, but I am still not 100% sure about how things are going...

Someone in the hallway asks if they need an ambulance, and Dean shrugs, kneeling next to his friend, wondering why their shitty school doesn’t have a nurse and if he actually should call for help. Gabriel’s eyes are closed, and he is breathing softly through his mouth.

  
It’s the first time Dean has seen someone actually faint, and it’s scary as hell. He nudges Gabriel’s shoulder, but Gabriel doesn’t react, and Dean calling his name doesn’t help. In the end, Mr. Stewart, Dean’s English teacher from last year, appears from out of nowhere kneeling next to Dean and checking on Gabriel, asking for someone to keep his legs elevated and another student to give him some water. Gabriel stirs when the cold drops hit his face, and someone shoves a candy into his mouth without giving him time enough to wrap his mind around what’s going on.

 

They stay like that for a few more minutes, and when Gabriel finally persuades Dean and the teacher to let him stand – because, really guys, this is getting embarrassing – Mr. Stewart forces him to call his legal guardian and go home.

 

“Dean, please you know I can’t call Mikey,” Gabriel whispers while Mr. Stewart looks for the Michael’s number in the files in the office since Gabriel refuses to tell him.

 

Dean shrugs, patiently explaining to Gabriel that what happened is serious and he needs to be taken care of.

 

“I’m fine,” he insists, “I swear, I was just overheated.”

 

“Gabriel, what just happened is one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed. You need to tell your brothers.”

 

“They already worry about Cas-”

 

“Well, you are their brother, too. They worry about you right along with Cas. And Cas would kill me for not taking proper care of you, right?”

 

“Please don’t tell him.”

 

Dean chews on his lip, guilt evident on his face. He has already texted Castiel, and while Gabriel and Dean were talking, the younger brother makes his appearance, rushing to his brother just when Gabriel gives Dean a look, “Please, now tell Sam too. Or better, do a fucking Special Alert announcement about it, Dean.” Dean rolls his eyes, debating if he should argue with Gabriel or not. In the end he does nothing, because Castiel makes enough scolding for Dean too.

 

 

***

 

 

Luce is at work when he gets the call from Castiel going crazy about Gabriel not feeling good and Michael being untraceable. He has no other choice but to leave work and go pick them up, though it will probably mean that he will be fired again. Keeping a job is a lot harder than Michael makes it seems, or maybe his brother is just too perfect and Luce is too much of a failure. Since being viewed as a failure is caused by something other than himself for once, he is oddly okay with this. There is no way he will leave his brothers at the school when something is clearly wrong. So he takes a cab. On the way he tries to call Michael multiple times, but his brother’s phone rings uselessly to voicemail, and he finally gives up.

 

He has never picked Cas up from the school, and Gabriel has never called him before, so he feels slightly uncomfortable when the secretary asks for his ID and checks on a computer. He barely pays attention when he’s told where to go to find his brothers. He feels even more strange standing in front of a teacher who is trying to calm Cas down, while a guy holds onto Castiel. Gabriel holds his head with both hands. He listens quietly as someone explains what happened and he signs his brothers out in the office. He doesn’t bother to thank the other guy for helping with Gabriel and Cas. He just takes his brothers home and calls Michael again, demanding him to come home as well. Cas heads upstairs to answer his ringing phone, not wanting his brothers to overhear his conversation. Luce is so fucking angry.

 

“He fainted. He fucking fainted!” he says as soon as Michael opens the door; he wants to yell it, put more heat behind his words, but can’t since Gabriel is sleeping on the couch.

 

“That’s not my fault, okay? I was working.”

 

Luce rolls his eyes, “If it had been Cas, you would have answered.”

 

“Cas is the one who called me, Luce. I just didn’t have the phone on me. I was working.”

 

“What I mean is that sometimes, we forget that Gabriel is going through a lot. We worry about Cassie and we forget Gabe.”

 

There is sadness in Luce’s eyes and if Michael hadn’t been so stressed he would have noticed. Instead, he answers with “You are overreacting. You just feel guilty about him,” he spits out harshly when Luce tries to argue.

 

There is a moment when all Michael can read on Luce’s face is anger, and Michael feels terrible about it. He is stressed, but, as true as it is, that doesn’t allow him the right to say something like that, something so low. He opens his mouth to beg his brother to forgive him, to try and understand that he didn’t mean it, really. But Luce stops him.

  
“You know what? You are right. Every fucking time I see his face, I remember what I did. I feel guilty about everything I put all of you through. But that’s not what I meant.” Michael doesn’t know what to say, so Luce keeps talking, “Mikey, I think he really is underweight. Again.”

 

“I- come on, Luce, he is fine,” Michael chokes out, trying to hold back tears, but right now he can easily see his brother’s collarbone protruding in an alarming way, his wrists and hands slimmer than a month before. That’s the signs they should know how to notice. He should know.

 

Luce pulls at his hair with his hands before moving to the kitchen and letting himself fall on a chair, “His teacher said he was dehydrated and his blood pressure was pretty low. Does that sound familiar?”

 

At this point there isn’t much to say. “Fuck, Luce. How come we didn’t notice sooner?” he asks defeated.

 

“I am fine,” a sleepy voice says behind Michael’s back and he almost jumps, turning in Gabriel’s direction.

 

“How do you feel, Gabe? Sit down, please,” Michael says, helping him reach the chair.

  
“I am fine. Really. Please don’t worry about me.”

 

“Gabriel, did you have lunch today?”

 

Gabriel pales at the question and even if he manages to say that yes, he did, his brothers don’t believe him. “Ask Cas, then. I was with him.”

  
“We will. And if you did eat, could you keep it down? How long?”

  
“I did!” Gabriel yells; the words slip from his lips, because sometimes to lie is easier than admitting the truth. “Why don’t you ever believe me?”

  
He stands up abruptly and rushes from the room before one of his brothers can stop him.

  
“I go-” Michael begins, but Luce grabs his wrist.

 

“I can try, okay? Just let me try. We need to fix this before it gets too bad.”

 

Michael can’t help but grunt, “Luce, I know you feel bad about the situation, but let me handle it, okay? Gabriel is a grown up. He can-”

 

“It’s not about me feeling guilty, okay?” Luce shouts, then lowers his voice, hoping Cassie didn’t hear him, “It’s about Gabriel not being a grown up man. He is barely a teen. He needs someone to look out for him, to take care of him. And you are clearly busy.”

 

“I can’t take care of everything here, Luce!”

  
“Of course. You keep taking care of Cassie and let me handle Gabriel. Because we can’t leave that kid on his own just because he doesn’t go crying around like Cassie does.”

 

“That’s unfair,” Castiel replies behind Luce’s back, fisting his hands, “I don’t go crying. I just have different ways to react, you know? You yell, I cry. Sorry if that bothers you.”

 

“That’s not-”

“But I agree with you. Gabriel is not fine. I tried to tell you both when you grounded him, but you just didn’t listen. Now, what’s wrong with him? And please stop babying me, because I want to know.”  
  


The older brothers exchange a look and Castiel holds his breath.

  
“Fine, you go to Gabe, I talk to Cas,” Michael says, surrendering himself.

  
So Luce does. He opens the door to find his brother sitting on the first step, crying silently. Luce doesn’t know if Gabriel is pretending not to hear him, or if he genuinely doesn’t notice his brother’s presence, but finally, Luce says his name. He hates how unsure he sounds. He should be able to make his brother feel better; Gabriel shouldn’t be afraid to talk to him.

  
“Gabe, can we talk?”

 

“I am fine,” Gabe chokes out.

 

“Sure you are, little brother, but maybe we should talk for a while. You are going trough big changes. You need to talk about it.” He keeps using that word, ‘talk’, because speaking is something they are not used to doing and they all know how it ended.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Gabriel whispers, suddenly leaning against his brother.

  
It has been years since the last time they have been so close with Gabriel conscious, and it feels so good that Luce almost cries. He hugs his brother back with one arm, leaving him his space, not wanting him to feel trapped.

 

“I swear, I am happy to live with you. It’s just too much. Too soon. I am scared, Luce.”

 

“Scared about what?” Luce knows Gabriel need to talk about his fears, to say out loud what has him so scared. Hanna suggested it a while back, and now, it’s time to test her suggestion. “Gabe, can you tell me what’s bothering you, please?”

  
“I don’t want that to happen again,” he says, holding tighter onto Luce, speaking against his shirt, “Don’t hurt me, please.”

  
And this really breaks Luce’s heart. There is nothing that Gabriel could do for him to lay a finger on his brother again, but how can he tell him that? How can Luce assure Gabriel that he won’t hurt him anymore, after he messed up with him so bad? Gabriel speaks on, his words a rapid mess stringing together.

  
“I am seeing someone, but please don’t be mad. Please don’t hurt me. Please.”  


“It’s okay,” he assures quickly. Then he lighten his tone, adding, “I want to know about this guy, tough.”

 

Gabriel stills for a moment, and then he lets go of Luce, looking at him with only one watery eye open. “Really?”

 

“Really. Now, who is he?”

 

  
***

 

 

“Cas, you need to calm down.”

 

“Calm down? Michael, my brother is anorexic, and I didn’t even know? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t he tell me?”

 

Michael looks to the cupboard, where he knows his scotch is. He can’t drink right now, even if he knows it would help. In the end he has told Cas the truth, explaining to their younger brother that Gabriel has struggled with weight for years and that he is getting bad again. Michael faces Castiel once more.

 

“Cassie, you were in the hospital. We didn’t even know if you would wake up, and we thought it was a normal reaction. None of us could eat properly for weeks.”

  
“I didn’t know.”

 

“You had something else to worry about.”

 

“Gabriel fainted today. I should worry about that, too. How come you didn’t notice?”

 

“We had other things on our minds. We didn’t pay attention.”

 

“It was my fault, right?”

 

“It wasn’t-”

 

Castiel doesn’t want to hear his brother say that it wasn’t his fault. Of course Michael can’t tell him,  it wasn’t a fair question for Castiel to ask, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. The three of them always try to protect him somehow. Mikey and Luce don’t pay attention to Gabriel just because they always have to worry about Castiel.

 

“How did you find out the first time?”

 

Michael sighs. “The day you woke up, Gabriel wasn’t in your room, remember?”

 

“You said he was at football practice.”

 

“Yeah, and I still don’t know how you believed us,” Michael admits, “He was in the room next to yours. A nurse was constantly taking his vitals, because we couldn’t wake him up. He was hypoglycemic and dehydrated.”

 

“Like today.”

 

“Basically, yes.”

 

“Then?”

 

“Then he’s just been doing that for a while, the whole not eating thing. Until we forced him to a clinic. By then you were back home.”

 

Something in Castiel’s memories shoots to the front of his mind, and finally he can complete the puzzle. “When you said he was at summer camp. I didn’t speak to him whenever he called, angry because he had left me for a fucking camp, and he was really in a clinic?”

 

“We didn’t know what else to say, Cas. I am sorry.”

 

“I hate you. You and Luce, you should have told me. And I hate Gabriel too, him and his fucking hero complex. Why doesn’t he understand that he is human? That it’s okay to struggle? Why do I have to always be the only one who admits his problems? You drink, Luce smokes, and now what? Gabriel starves himself? I hate you all.”

 

He ends his words on a yell and runs to his room, avoiding looking at his brothers, though they’re standing two inches away from him. He can feel them staring at him. He doesn’t need them. He needs Dean.

  



	11. Not fine at all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Luce to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to say, just... Enjoy! And DO NOT HATE ME PLEASE!

It takes less than twenty minutes for Dean to dress up and go to Castiel’s. That’s exactly what you do when your boyfriend calls you, crying so bad that you can’t get a word of what he is rambling about. He yells at Sam that he needs to go out and doesn’t wait for his reply, rushing to his car and speeding away.

 

Michael opens the door, rolling his eyes when he sees Dean, and he has already turned his back at him when he says, “Cas is upstairs,” through his teeth and heads into another room.

 

Dean can already tell that something is going on. Michael might be busy, and he has never seemed to be too much of a talker, but he has never been impolite either. After a moment of hesitation,  Dean finally closes the door behind his back and goes looking for his boyfriend. He heads upstairs to find Cas sitting on his bed, shirtless and still crying as loudly as he did on the phone.

 

“Cas, what happened?”

 

“My brothers happened,” he chokes out, looking at Dean with pleading eyes until Dean comes closer, sitting in front of him and hugging him tight, “I hate all of them.”

 

“What did they do?” asks Dean softly, running a hand trough Cas’ sweaty hair and grabbing his chin with the other, trying to look at him. He doesn’t get much of what Castiel tries to explain; he plans to ask Gabriel in another moment, because apparently it has to do with him and Dean doesn’t know how to feel about it. Right now what worries Dean is the way Cas’ chest heaves every time he tries to breathe.

 

“Cas, you are having an asthma attack. Calm down and tell me where is your inhaler.” Castiel doesn’t even look at him and that just makes Dean’s heart sink. “Cas, please.”

 

“Dean?”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t breathe.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I asked you where is your inhaler, Cas.”

 

 

***

 

 

“I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I’m fine.”

 

“You fainted, Gabe. And we need to know how bad it is,” Michael explains, trying to be as diplomatic as possible. To be here, in the small cubicle of the bathroom, with his brother looking so fragile is destroying him. For once he wishes to have his parents here, to have someone to take care of things, but it takes one look at Luce’s helpless face to remember that it’s his duty to be strong, for all of them.

 

“Please,” Gabriel whispers, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and moving his eyes from the scale in front of him to his brothers. “Please, I’m fine, I swear.”

 

“Gabe, if you are fine, you don’t have to worry,” Luce says, motioning for him to move, but Gabriel doesn’t.

 

Instead he repeats, “I don’t want to go back in to the  clinic.”

 

“Gabe, look, if you are just a pound underweight, we have no choice but take you. If not, we can think about it. How does that sound?”

 

Gabriel crosses his arms on his chest, “No way, not weighing myself. I’m fine.” He is crying again and Michael feels like he can’t breathe.

 

“Please, Gabe.”

 

That’s when Dean Winchester yells “Guys, can somebody come upstairs, please? Quickly!”

 

“You go. I’ll talk some sense into Gabe,” Luce quickly decides, and reluctantly Michael leaves the room, barely hearing Gabriel’s prayers to not tell Castiel.

 

“Please Gabe, let me see. We can decide to lie to Mikey, but I need to know the truth,” Luce says, wiping tears off his brother’s cheek with his hand. “I promise, Gabe. No fucking hospitals, no one is taking you there, but you are going to get help if you-”

 

“I don’t need help. Please, trust me.”

 

“I do trust you, but I need to see.”

 

When Gabriel makes a move to the scale, Luce persuades him to strip off his clothes and just stay in underwear. He doesn’t need to see the numbers on the scale to know the answer; he can see his hip bones and that’s not normal.

 

“153 pounds,” Luce reads out loud because Gabriel’s eyes are shut, “Fuck, Gabe. You shouldn’t be less than 170.”

 

“It’s not like- I don’t- Luce please don’t tell Mikey. You promised. Please, please,” he is shaking, almost hysterical, and Luce holds his hands up, meaning no harm, trying to approach him calmly.

 

“I won’t tell, it’s okay. But when we get out of here, you calm down and eat something. Sounds good?”

 

“Don’t know if I can.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Luce, it’s not that I don’t want to. If I eat, I’ll throw it up. Not my fault.”

 

Luce sighs, “It’s okay.”

 

He can’t understand that, but Luce knows what Gabe is trying to say. He’s learned that when he is too stressed, he throws up whatever he eats, food or drink. It’s different from people who look at themselves in a mirror and see a fat body, so they don’t eat to lose weight. Gabriel is okay with his own body, he is just afraid of food. Or at least that’s what doctors had been telling them.

 

Luce takes his brother’s hand and leads him in the kitchen, sitting him on a chair and looking into the cupboard. The first times, when they found out, Hanna told them some tips to help ‘patients’ like Gabriel. Luce clearly remembers that he got angry at her for using that word, ‘patient’, too afraid to realize that his brother was sick and in need of help. It had taken a while  to accept that it was true, that it was his fault, at least a little bit and that there was no way to change the past. And he remembers that one time when he came home and found his brother with his hands into a bowl, shyly smiling at Hanna as she told him how to bake pancakes. He stared at the two of them for more than he admitted later and that same evening, after Michael had told him that finally Gabriel had chewed on something, Luce waited for his younger brother to go to bed and asked Hannah the recipe. He never baked them, just kept the recipe into his drawer.

 

He and Gabriel used to cook together sometimes, but it had been a long time ago. They could try again, maybe.

 

 

***

 

 

“Cassie, calm down,” Michael yelps, shaking the inhaler and giving it to his brother.  

 

It doesn’t seem to help and Cas has already puffed it a couple of times. Cas’ face is flushed red and his chest is heaving in a painful way. Now more than in every other moment of his life, Michael feels ready to give up. Nothing is good in his life and it seems that problems like to appear all together and text his strength. If a God truly exists, he is making it too hard for Michael and he doesn’t know how much more he can take.

 

“Cas, please. Breathe.”

 

Castiel tries to say something, but his words are muffled by hard wet coughs that make him shake from head to toe, and no amount of Dean rubbing his back can stop tears from falling down his cheeks at this point.

 

“Don’t cry, Cas,” Dean begs, still petting his hair.

 

“Can’t breathe,” Cas whispers, rubbing his chest with his hand and Michael wishes he could figure out how to  help him. “Help.”

 

“Michael?” Dean calls and Michael looks at him puzzled. “I said we should take him to a hospital, he won’t get better and the sooner we go the better.”

 

Fuck. Just fuck. As much as he doesn’t want to leave Gabriel alone with Luce, he can’t do anything else. He knows they can’t wait anymore.

 

 

***

 

 

“Do we have to?” Gabriel asks, looking at the green bowl that Luce has placed in front of him as if it could eat him. All the ingredients are in front of them, well, most of them are. They didn’t have any butter, so Luce had use oil, but he figures it won’t change the taste at all.

 

“Of course we have to! Come on, it will be fun.”

 

“It won’t, but if it will make you feel better, let’s get over with this,” Gabriel says harshly, and Luce has to count to ten to not screw everything up.

 

Slowly and carefully Gabriel starts pouring things into the bowl, and Luce just stares at him. Now more than any other time, he looks like the little Gabriel who needed to always be told what to do, who always found a way to mess things up. Luce wipes his cheek quickly, hiding the lonely tear that came down from his eye the best he can and reads Hanna’s recipe, helping Gabe when he starts to knead the ingredients.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Fine.”

 

His hand still shakes when Luce slightly touches it, but none of them complains.

 

“Can I leave you alone for a moment?”

 

Gabriel rolls his eyes, answering with what seems a safe sentence, “I am not a baby anymore,” which technically doesn’t mean anything, so Luce leaves with the promise of being quick and runs upstairs, just checking on his other brothers. And Dean Winchester.

 

“Ehi,” he approaches.

 

“He needs to go to the hospital,” Michel says in a hurry.

 

“Fuck. Let me know, okay? I can’t- Gabriel. I can’t leave him. You understand that, right? Right, Cas?”  

 

Castiel closes his eyes for a brief moment in what Luce hopes is a nod and then he looks at his boyfriend with a helpless expression.

 

“We should go right now,” Dean explains, tightening his hold on Cas’ hand and waiting for Luce to go back to Gabriel.

 


	12. Continue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little help from you guys

So... I have been missing for a while. But now here I am and I really want to keep writing. So, would anyone still be interested? I've lost all the chapters I had written, but the plot is still in my mind. I just can't decide if it's worth writing or not, since it has been so long... 


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